Oh.. My.. I have not had this.. All I can think is that you are probably a great comfort to her. (This I am to my mom, though it is really wearing me out!!!) I think how she handles it could make a difference, too. When she talks about her death, does the "conversation" have an end? Constant negative feelings, repeating and repeating can drain anyone..

I know that I am a comfort for her, she tells me this...but sometimes I feel like she needs more than I can provide. She is like a second mom to me and it is really hard when she talks about dying. At least once a day she will say something like, "If I am still alive next year we will have to get a new heater" or "I will never get to see my daughter have children". I never know what to say so I just stay quite. She also constantly talks about how she can't handle the cancer treatments and side effects. She also says that she is tired of life and that she is ready for Heaven because anything is better than this. Sorry, I kind of replied a lot.

I guess I am responding to you because my mom is also becoming so freakin' needy.. No one else will due but me.. My brother is here, but she wants me... It wears me out.. I even have to stop typing because she needs me AGAIN, in the middle of the night.... I should be in bed, but it is good I am not// I wish I knew something better to saly to you about your situation... take care,, best to you !!! Clare

Positively, contact Hospice. They have wonderful support for your situation--both for you and her. Some of what you are experiencing is really hard, but absolutely are steps that the two of you will go through. Hospice can provide you with respite, and counseling so you're not in the dark about what is happening at each step of the way. They can provide medical support, and spiritual support as well.
They cared for my uncle when he was terminal with cancer, and my Aunt couldn't say enouigh good things about all they did to get them through, and then provided grief counseling for her and her kids afterward. rocasi

I have thought about Hospice care...but I guess I just don't know that much about it. I know that she doesn't want to go in-patient anywhere...does hospice come to your home?

hospice does come to the home if it is needed by the cancer patient. i had my mom on hospice before she passed on me. they will provide everything that is needed, hospital beds, oxygen if needed and the meds for them. they will not have any pain as they keep them comfortable usually on morphine but i am sure there are also other meds. i am sorry that you are going through this. it is very hard to endure. i made a round trip of 70 miles everyday for 6 months to be with my mom. i was there for her as she was for me growing up. i wish you luck, you are a very good person to devote you life to an ailing patient with cancer! God bless both of you and i wish you the best. hugs

I do need to look into hospice care...if not for anything other than the pain management they can provide. She is constantly telling me that her pain pills are just not enough.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement...I am so grateful that so many people have responded so quickly!

Hugs, Hospice will be wonderful for everything. I hope you will continue to come back here.. it helps to vent a little .. Love D

I think Sparklestar describes you well! How blessed she is to have such a giving, devoted person caring for her. Best of luck..

I think everyone here has given you great advice. I wanted to take the opportunity of commending you for being such a caring, loving friend to someone who is going through the most challenging stage of her life. It is what it is and I understand (as do others here) how hard it is to hear these things that make us feel very sad, we're so use to responding with an answer to people indicating that all is going to be well and ok...obviously this isn't the case and I think this is where we truly get worn down. It's depressing, however it's also an honor to have someone choose us to spend their time and thoughts...the majority of the time they are just thinking out loud. I can't help but believe if not now, when is it ok for them to be brutally honest? I think it's the caregivers that have the hardest time...wishing you peace and the strength to continue being a great friend. All the best.

I feel so supported on this site! Thank you so much PDdaughter and Muriel 226 for your moving words. I do feel honored to be here for my friend and when I can make her laugh or smile...my heart just sings. Thank you for your encouragement.