Five years ago I came back home to help my mom, her condition was getting worse. My mom has Sarcoidosis, heart diease, Emphysema, high blood presure, neuropathy, depression and Alzheimer's/dementia. When I first came back the dementia/alzheimer's was just begining and she was living alone so I moved in with her to help. Well five years later I find I am filled with anger, resentment, and deep sadness. I am angry and resentment because I have 3 sisters who can't seem to get off there butt to do a damn thing to help. One of them comes to visit for about 10 mins a week and the whole time she is here I hear what a horrible job I am doing, the other 2 well they can't even pick up the phone to call their mother, they only see her on major holiday's and if I didn't bring her to them I doubt they would come at all. They all have excuses lame ones as far as I am concerned and they leave it all for me to do. I have tried to avoid any conflict so I just smile make excuses for them to my mom because she misses her daughters and grandchildren so much. I always make sure I am there for each of them and have never complained until last week. I recieved a letter from one of my sisters telling me that I have been doin a horrible job taking care of mom bascically what a loser I am how I can't do anything right and that I am making her worse. Words can't describe how I felt, I admit I make mistakes but this never came with a rule book. I truely do the best I can and besides my sisters others think I am doing a good job. Well after this letter I lost it but instead of writing miss perfect a letter full of anger I decided to write all my sister's and tell them what my past five years have been like. I decribed the up's and the down's everything I do daily and then asked where the hell they have been. Directly to the one who wrote me the letter I asked her where she found the balls to judge me and say those horrible things when she can't be bothered to lift a finger, I ended it by telling them I never for one second regret coming back to take care of mom, I live for her good days and at the end I will know in my heart I did everything I could for her and if they continue what will they be left with cause when shes gone it will be to late. Well the e mail was met with one letter telling me she is just to busy and I should feel bad for being so selfish the other 2 well they won't speak to me. Was I being selfish, maybe I am a horrible person, how do I fix things do good people just hold it all in and take it, how do I deal with them when I come face to face with one of them? She has been in the hospital for the past few weeks and I have relaxed a bit and yesterday I found out she is coming home in a week and I instantly felt myself tense up, it's just really hard watching this strong woman slip away in front of me not to mention now the one sister who does come even if for just 1 10 min visit a week will be back in my house I don't think I can take anymore bulling or yelling from her. I just feel lost. Part of me just wants to delete this it's prob. silly and since I have been crying since I started it prob won't make much sense, part of me wants to send it just incase maybe it's not me maybe I am not going insane.
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