I did work 12 hours a night outside the home and care for my Mom during the day.. then when she started getting up and falling I had to quit... when she is here I am caregivng 24/7.. even if she is home she is on my mind 24/7... I have not had a weekend or a vacation in 3 years.. I cook three meals everyday... (from scratch) I have no help.. Unless someone is kind enough to go to the store...When she is here I sleep with one eye open.. I take a break when she sleeps.. she sleeps in short intervels.. My own thing is to take a shower and that lasts maybe 5 minutes.. Love D

i dont work outside the home, we live on a farm, i care for my mentally challanged daughter 24/7 and i also raise my 7 year old grandson 24/7. i am tired, lol.

I work full time in the busiest ER in the state-12 hr shifts. My down time after work is making a quick stop at the store. On my days off I am the driver/errand runner for my husband who no longer drives. If I go out I call at least once an hour on some pretext because he can't know I'm checking up on him. I'm very lucky because at this point he can still fix microwaveable things. When I'm at work I call at least once to check on him. He has dementia and I know that I won't always have these luxuries. Our daughter lives here in town and she could stay with him for a little while when I can't leave him later. My real backup,his single daughter who doesn't work, moved to Florida--a million miles away!I know you must be totally worn out. I am so sorry.

My dad lives with me. So its just me 24 / 7.
But my mom, his ex-wife helps me out a lot.
As a matter of fact he is with her in Myrtle Beach.
They are very good friends. So I know that he is in good hands.
But I try and take my dad were I go normally. We try and live as normal as possible.
I also work a little from home ,so that helps.
The only way I will leave him home alone is if I put in a good movie for him.
Then I know I have an hour to run a few errands.
And I do cook the meals. (When my husband is off, he cooks)
That to me is the worst part. I HATE TO COOK. And my dad is so funny, he will not eat left overs.
When he first moved in I would ask him is favorite thing and then make a big pot of it. And he wouldnt eat it the next day. So much for convenient.
I used to cater to his ever food needs but now if he says, what else you got I reply with NOTHING.
A friend told me that trick. I wish Id found it out sooner. LOL
He says their anti- Reynold.
So its a full time thing. I dont look at it as a job anymore, I have learned to be so very grateful, because someday I wont have him.
Even though he makes me crazy, at least hes HERE.
And it may seem funny but it has also made me fall in love with my husband all over again. I see what a kind and good-hearted man he is.
In the 10 months my dad has lived with us (with his 2 dogs) My husband has not complained once. And any day he is off work he makes sure that Im ok and have time to get somethings done for myself. And will spend time with my dad doing guy stuff.
So this has all been a sad time it has also been a great blessing and I am a better person for it.

I've been thinking about this ever since you posted it, MineraPearl. I can answer some of the questions...my memory is a little hazy about what it was like when I was working, though. Some of them I can't. I CAN say that, now, as a 24/7 caregiver, like Diane and anothers (including mothers), even when I'm "doing something for myself" my mother is on my mind and my system is on high alert, in case I need to turn my full attention to her. That being said:
1. When I worked outside the home, for part of that time my mother was completely independent and involved in her own life, so I didn't "check" on her, but would call her occasionally to discuss plans, etc. As it became necessary for me to drop to part time, I called her more just to make sure she was up. Finally, when I discovered she was sleeping all the time when I was gone, I stopped working so that I could keep her stimulated and "going".
2. Never really worried about "transitioning" from work to home. It seemed to happen naturally.
3. My life, now, is Momandme so weekends are hersandmine. I run errands when she is sleeping, unless I can get her to go with me, which is rare, now, but not completely impossible, depending on the what I'll be doing.
4. I think a "good balance" depends on what you consider a good balance for you, MineraPearl.
5. Yes, I prepare all meals and snacks. What I serve depends on the day and her diet (she's a type 2 diabetic, although because she was diagnosed very late in life (82) and other conditions affect her blood glucose in a downward spiral, we have a lot more leeway than exists for most diabetics. So, one way or another, there is almost nothing we avoid except stuff she doesn't like (and stuff I don't like). We used to go out to eat a lot more than we do now. We stopped that primarily because it is very hard on both of us to get her into, through and out of the restaurant experience. However, it's not completely off our list, yet.

1)I work full-time outside the home and full-time inside my home.

2)I call Mom at least every 2 hours and, more times than not, run home at lunch to check on her

3)There is no time to transition When I get up in the morning its all about getting Mom ready for the day and me ready for work. After work its full-time caregiving. My only down time is during the night when Im sleeping (but with a baby monitor next to my bed so I can hear her if she needs me).

4)My weekends, of course, include Mom. If I go anywhere she goes with me, and this has become more and more difficult.

5)I do all the grocery shopping and cooking (or take-out, depending on how tired I am). House cleaning, laundry, etc. are all on me.

6)If you figure out how to strike a good balance Id love to know the secret.

We have 2 caregiving situations going on in our house, our physically and mentally disabled daughter and my husband's 90 year old dad. My daughter goes to a day program for young adults M-F and my fil stays in bed most of the day. We have 2 baby monitors in our bedroom. My daughter sleeps fairly well, but my fil makes a lot of noise during the night. We are always jumping up to make sure he is ok.
* I work outside the home and my husband did too until June of this year. My husband has taken a leave of absence to care for his dad.
* I check in with my husband throughout the day to let him vent and to see how things are going. My daughter is always on my mind and I deal with her when something comes up and I need to go get her or when she has doctor appointments. My husband handles his dad's appts.
* I try very hard on the way home to relax my mind to leave the stresses of my job and prepare for the stresses of the night/weekend. It's not easy!
* I try to give my husband a day off during the week when I can. I have a boss and job that is somewhat flexible to work from home sometimes. I have both of them on Saturdays and Sunday is my day off to go do what I want. My husband has Saturday off and one other day when I can work it out. I have to take my daughter everywhere I go. She can't be left alone at all. We can leave my fil for short periods, but we try not to make it more than 2 hours.
* I do have to say my outside job is a nice getaway from caregiving, but it certainly has its stresses too. I still dread whether I'm going to work or going home.

* I feel like I have 2 full time jobs!
* My husband takes care of breakfast for both and lunch for his dad. I take care of dinner every night. We can't go out to eat anymore with my fil and my fil always complains about take out, so we aren't doing that anymore either.

i work taking care of my hubby, father and granddaughter all but 6 hours once a month. and before this wonderful job i made handmade family quilts to order. and for meals some days its a well planned wonderful meal another night it might be grilled cheese and soup, never know. i only plan out 4/5 days a week.

2 months living with dad then 1-2 weeks home for break. I no longer work outside the house as am on disabily for brain tumor and fm.

I don't know how well I can answer what you're looking for, but here goes.

I work out of my home, running my small business, about 25-30 hours a week.

I take care of my 5yo son 24/7 except when he's in school, 3 hrs ea. weekday.

I don't really have a back up plan for care for my son. No reliable family within a 3 hr radius.

My husbands works out of state during the week. this is *naturally* when any problems come up. always. = )

I care part time for fil and d.sil, who live a couple of miles away. mostly it's just reminding/taking them to appts or shopping, mothering d.sil over the phone, reminding fil of things, getting his house prepped for cleaning. and doing some of fil's laundry.

my husband handles all of fil's meds/trays.

it's a battle to get work done at home, esp. when ds is home, and the phone is ringing and everyone is *entitled* to all of me.

I don't cook for fil or sil but I do all the shopping/cooking for my immed. family and try to do it all from scratch (not much frozen stouffer's here). that's a lot of work in and of itself.

If I didn't have boundaries, I would be in nervous breakdown mode for sure.

compared to some of you, that doesn't sound like much I know. it would be a lot easier if it weren't for this darn lupus. interesting how many of us here have some kind of auto immune disorder!

I work outside the home 4 days per week, 8 hours per day. Thankfully, there is a great adult day care center near my home and my mother loves going there 5 days a week. She needs supervison 24/7. Also thankfully, she has some savings that I am spending on the adult day care center. It is expensive, $50 per day, but well worth it. My time to myself is that one 8 hour day per week when Mom goes to day care and I do not go to work. Although, many of those days, I take her to doctor's appointments. So far, Mom sleeps well at night, or at least stays quitely in her bedroom. She often wakes up at 2 or 3 in the morning, gets fully dressed, and then goes back to bed. My husband has taken care of her one night a week, when he is not working out of town, so I can go to a support group at the adult care center. That is also a big help. Weekends, Mom goes with me any where I go. When she is not at the day care center, we eat all our meals together which I cook or we eat take out food. Mom loves to go to restaurants, which we do one night per week. Every thing I do depends on what Mom can do or who can take care of her. Depressing at times, but I know some of you have it a lot worse. At least I have the day care center which give my Mom's life meaning and provides social contacts for her. I do not think I could survive without it.

I am the primary caregiver to my 18 year old son. He has endstage lung disease due to Cystic Fibrosis, CF related Diabetes, and Scoliosis. He has good days and bad days, but if he does everything prescibed by his 3 main doctors he'd be at it 22 hours a day. Luckily part of that time is because he needs to eat alot. We can mix eating with socialization, and he can spend time with other people. There isn't anything about his care that he can't do himself, but if he did all of the preparation he'd use up that other 2 hours each day, and then some. We try to help by preparing meals, cleaning his equipment that needs disinfecting daily, and basically just keeping track and preparing what needs to be done. When he feels good he has a few hours that he can go to college, or whatever, but not enough to get a job, so he's on SSI. My dad is taking care of my mom who has a brain tumor. I'm glad you are able to take your mom to the day care and to go to the support group. I'm sure that really helps. I'd really like to get my dad some help. Of course we all feel like he needs help, even if he doesn't, but with our own family responsibilities and not living in the same town we aren't much help.

my mother lives about five minutes from me and my aim at the moment is to keep her as independent as possible. I have one 'day off' a week, but ring her three times during that day. Otherwise, she loves to go out and I am with her, either in or out about five/six hours a day. So I do have downtime but find the concern about her very hard and am always on alert for problems whichoccur often. I do work, have just given up my business....can continue free lance, a little worried that I wont be able to do that if caring 24/7. I seem to have very little myself anyway....she worries so and so much needs doing for her...but she is really great for 90, does all personal needs for herself and most housework, I count myself lucky in having spare time....when I can do other things...though often think it would be easier to have her here as I would worry less!

I bought mom a phone emergency dialer 5 years ago. The Radio Shack doesn't make the same model anymore - wish they did - it's a good thing. I found one here on Craig's list. Mom wears her pendant and all she'd need is to press the button. My cell and work phone are programed to dial, with a pre recorded message to come home asap. What I deal with mom is emotions. Mom is strong physically, I mean she will do most things herself and she's started to get arthritis and it has affected her knees badly. I wanted her to get knee replacement surgery. She got scared so she up & canceled the surgery - without even talking to the doctor or nurse or happy patients. This may change. We will see. She said "well there are so many things wrong with me". I said SO?? Aren't your knees what keeps you walking? I think mom plays her emotions and her problems on people as attention getting. I won't play that game. This DS group has given me courage to sit back and don't force things. It's exhausting trying to concern myself with mom when the things she deals with don't have to be so dramatic. Enjoy your day!
Radio Shack Emergency Phone Dialer - $30

http://austin.craigslist.org/ele/435919967.html

I got tired just reading about what care some here are putting out.. What a group of strong people.. I just had a thought for Sandi(mineral) I dont know if you have extra room at your home..(our Inn is full) but perhaps you could get a person to live in .. Exchange free room and board for someone to spend the day with your Mom.. Many retired folks that are in good health are looking for that type of living situation.. My friend had a woman stay with her Mom.. In that case the woman worked days and was there all night.. It releaved the pressure for my friend just knowing someone was there..Love D