Sorry, but it strikes me funny because it reminds me of the book my now X got for me during our marriage. It was a marriage guide. I asked if he read it. (Well, maybe he was trying to tell me something, but even if that were so, ... ) Anyway, I am just wondering if they read that book. And, if so, I wonder if they read the chapter on respite care for primary caregiver... Just thinking ...

thanks for replying...I really just need to vent...If I call one family member about mom, they tell me not to lean on them....I called another and said she basically washed her hands of my mother's situation..I did not even ask her anything about mom.....I think everyone just wants her taken care of....and will want to live there lives...the other family comment about the fact that she will be put in a home if I can't do it????My partner died last year..left me the house and next thing I know a family decision is made that mom live with me...I agreed of course...just dissappointed because I feel controlled by them now...I hadn't even settled in the house myself....overwhelmed

I feel guilty for complaining....I was under the impression...it would be a family experience, with everyone helping mom..I was wrong...

you are among many, the ones who have been chosen to be the caregiver to a parent, guilt and anger and frustraton comes with it, we are all where you are, feel free to vent!

Ahh yes... Many of us have that. I have a family that insists that we can never put my brother in law in a nursing home. Yet they can't be bothered to help out or even visit. They don't even make a phone call to him or me to see how he's doing.

You are not alone.. (((hugs)))

NO HELP NO TIME EVER..And I get angry frustrated and discouaged.. BUT a friend of mine gave me some very good advice.. She said do not expect it . do not anger yourself over it..Make it nice for your Mom and yourself.. AND REMEMBER because they do nothing you need not answer to them for ANYTHING.. It has helped me to realize we can not change them , but we can change ourself.. ALL DISCISIONS ARE YOURS NOW.. I think it;s a great idea to have the person who gave you the book to read about respite care.. good luck we are here for you Love D

Couldn't have said it better Diane!

I sometimes wonder.... Since they NEVER even call, am I supposed to call them if something happens and he actually dies? Or should I just let them find out on their own (might take years!).

I just have to say, THANK YOU!!!! I just discovered this site last night and finally feel like I am not going crazy for all of this stuff that I go thru. I am the only one of the kids with a family and a business that I run with my husband and when my father had a stroke it was up to me to move him in with us. I try not to tell them anything about day to day stuff, because they are ALWAYS SO HELPFUL with lists of things to try. And they get so mad when I tell them I don't have time to research this or that. In 2 1/2 years they have never taken him to a doctors appt, therapy appt, etc. And they have the nerve to tell me that he's not getting enough exercise!!!

I'm sorry......guess that was a hot button for me. But I bet a lot of us are going thru that same stuff. It is just so easy for others to tell you how to do it, which is easy, but they never want to do the things that could REALLY help you, because those things all take time and effort.

I'd say throw the book away, but that's wasteful. Recycle it instead. HI-5's to us all!!!

I know just how you feel.
My sister and I were supposed to take turns. Dad was going to live 3 months at both places, so we all wouldnt get frustrated.
She has not seen him in almost a year.
But I prefer him to live here full time anyway. My sister did not take him to the doctor once the year he lived with her.
The only time he went to the doctors was when it was in an ambulance.
At least I know that when hes with me all his medical needs are taken care of.
But I learned real quick that you cant count on anyone.
My dad has 4 other kids not one has stepped up to help.
But I dont complain at all to my dads family. I wont give them the satisfaction. When my dad lived with my sister all she did was complain about how horrible my dad was. No one wants to call and hear that. So at least when my dads family does call, its always positive and upbeat. And it seems like they want to do more (not much) but still more.
I think people want to help on their own terms not on yours. And even though it stinks. a little is better than nothing.

Yeah, I think every family has it's nuts hanging around the family tree. Some are just a little more rotten than others. I have one brother that is supportive, but is way too many miles away to be of any physical help. The one who is close thinks I'm too controlling, that I'm taking advantage of Mom and that I'm basically here freeloading. Which translated means that is what he did when she lived with him. She had to leave and bring Bobby back to her home because he was so abusive. She knew she was unable to care for herself or him, but felt like she had no other option. Then he was the one who was so insistent that I move in down here and now that I have, well now it's a disaster. He can't take advantage of them any more. They are both much better off physically and emotionally now that they don't have to be scared that every word they speak or every move they make is under constant scrutiny. The distant brother gave me the perfect solution for dealing with him...He said to tell him KMA. Which for the uninformed is letting him know which part of my anatomy he can smooch on, and it's NOT my face!

thanks for all your replys...I thought I was doing a good job until the 'BOOK' came...it is so great to not feel alone anymore...

Umm - seems like it is a common thread. I know I actually joined up here on DS BECAUSE I was getting no support or understanding - maybe that was one of the main reasons others joined as well, which is why we all seem to have in common. You are not alone....

I have tried to reply to your message 3 times. I also tried to send you a hug. Ok last try.
You are living my life and if you find any answers to your question please share with me.
Thank you take care...Lonaka

from what I read on this community, MOST of us here are the ONLIES - the only sibling, the only person, etc. caregiving for a loved one.

it's so sad, but unfortunately, so typical. makes me tired just typing it.