Your right you can not take on more then you can afford.. i think the responsibility should be given back to his wife and Daughter,, If they do not follow through and he is left with no funds, the state will investigate.. Let them know the situation.. Love D

I struggle with this. but then, this darn lupus make me say NO a lot b/c I just can't say yes, so in that respect, it's easier to say no.

one thing I've learned about helping vs giving money. now, I only help, I don't buy things for people or give $. I just don't have extra and we all have to make choices and I think a lot of the time the people asking for handouts make their choices, as do we, and they could have made different financial choices. so, I'm trying to say (very badly) dont' feel guilty about saying no to $ requests.

like my d.sil. she'll spend $300 a month on her legal addictions and whine b/c she can't spend $1 on her dad for a birthday card and her dad does A LOT for her. it's sad really.

my firm rule, is I'll help but not financially b/c I can't.

As a rule I never actually give cash. But if someone needs food or something I will give them the actual item. As far as brother in law goes.. I would love to give responsibility back to wife and daughter. But wife left him again and daughter moved. So we don't even know where they are except in california. Wife says she'll be back in 3 weeks. Last time she said 2 weeks and it was 2 months! So I'm not counting on that.

I am speaking about experiences from many years ago. I had an older brother (he died six years ago) who was drug and alcohol addicted. He was a very talented person and at times was very wealthy. He had some ailment that would not let him enjoy his success. He would work like a fiend to reach the top, then every time (this happened many times over a fifty year period), he deliberatly destroyed everything he had woked for. My husband and I helped him so many times, paying for rehab, sending him money, bailing him out. I think one of the happiest days of my life was the day that I just plain didn't give a damn anymore and when he called wanting $3,000 I told him to go to hell. We worked hard for what we had and he had never payed back a penny of what we had given him, even when he had it to give back he didn't. That was a few years before he died. I never heard from him again and when he died I shed not one tear. I just did not feel a thing. I did not even send flowers. Our backs will only carry so much, and mecifully, I feel God let me let go.