I think I can relate to a couple of things in the topics right now. First, I am my mothers legal gaurdian due to her having a massive stroke that left her paralyzed on the right side of her body and she also has global aphasia, a very frustrating effect from the stroke. You see my mother has lost all ability to communicate. She has a vocabulary of about 5 three letter words and the word BACK. BACK covers just about everything. I have spent two yrs learning the many meanings of back and am pretty darn good at it right now. :) My dad is too sickly himself to take care of mother and my 3 sisters scattered like wild dogs when my mother had the stroke. Funny how we become only children when our parents go down. I take care of all my dads basic needs (things mother did for him before the stroke) and I handle everything for my mother. I also have a autistic stepson that lives with us fulltime. Due to her many needs that one person could never handle and my sisters refusing to give any time to help I had to be the one to place her in a nursing home. My mother is only 66 yrs old. I was never her favorite child, we argued as much as we didnt, but when I needed her she was there and now that she needs me I will be there. It is very hard to deal with both my parents needs, and sometimes I am sure that I fail them. I do the best that I can. My dad gets 'fussy' when he battles the depression and takes it out on me, I have learned to make sure things are ok and cut the visit short. My mother gets fussy when she battles the depression it is harder to walk away from her, she is very dependent on me, but when she gets angry with me I do the same thing, try to redirect her and make a quiet exit. What I am trying to say is, I know how it feels to feel like it is more then you can handle, and to feel like you are not appreciated, God knows I know what that feels like! I also know how it feels to lose my mother, you see, my mother survived the stroke, but the stroke took my mother, I miss her more then I ever thought that I would. I visit her atleast twice a week and talk to her on the phone everyday, it is usually a one-way conversation but that is ok I know she understands every word I say. I know she will never get better and I truly believe she would have been better off not to survive, its a very hard pill to swallow to actually watch your mother go from perfectly fine one minute to a paralyzed shell of the mother I know. Its even harder to watch my dad watch her. I guess what I am trying to pass along is it is true you do not know what you have until it is gone, but it also hurts to be under the stress of someone you love so much during the time that they are so dependent on you. I still fuss at both my parents, in a loving way. Even though there are as many times that they are wrong as they are right I let them think they are always right. It doesnt hurt so I am ok with it. And yes I did live with them at one time after mothers stroke, so I know how that feels too. Sorry for the long post but I felt like I needed to tell this story. Hope it helps.
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