My brother in Chicago sends a lot of newspaper clippings about 'Da Bears' to my father, and calls regularly; my sister in Arizona calls a lot too and sends cards just as a 'thinking of you'. However, the two siblings who live here locally, cannot be bothered...not to mention the OTHER two siblings who haven't spoken to Pops in over 30 years. Pops is very well aware of which of his kids give a damn, and which don't; and his final will and testament will reflect just that!

I called all three of my brothers about my grandmother when she fell this past weekend. Still waiting on two of them to even return my call. The one that did call back, asked to borrow $70 from me. Personally, I'd rather not even have a funeral for someone to show up at and act like they gave a crap when they never bothered while you were living. I'm sorry they are losing out on your lovely Mom. It's their loss and they'll have to pay the price for it!

My mom only gets card on special days, maybe. Last year my oldest brother (actually his wife) never sent any cards for anything. They never call her either. I have two older cousins who come to see her on special days and give her cards and gifts, that means alot to her. My brother here only sees her on special days, and brings her a card and gift. I think all her friends are long gone, she hasn't had any close friends for many years. I actually entertained the idea that if she did pass away I wouldn't let anyone in the family know! God doesn't let me get away with that thought for long though! Hurt over it, no passed that. More frustration or anger from time to time. Have to deal with that though. Mom really doesn't have time recollection about who does what or when. She never talks about anyone who comes or calls. Time is all irrelevant for her now. But she sure does light up and get much more talkative when she gets a visitor. But no one cares enough about that to see that they do something, anything to brighten her day. They are the ones who will stand before God and have to figure out what they will say to Him when He asks them and how did you love, honor and respect your mother?

When my sister Julie was sick, she was constantly getting cards from my brothers and sisters, and we bought her 'little gifts' all the time - like a singing toy (one that you press the foot and it would sing a little song) or a scarf or a blanket to wrap around her. We bought her smiley stress balls and when she lost her eyesight, we would buy CDs of her fav music. I guess we were very lucky in that way - we pulled together to support her and visit her. However, with my son (because it is a mental illness and not something as obvious as cancer), there is nothing - he did not even get a birthday card from his grand-mother (my hubby's mom) this past August at his birthday (when he was in the hospital). It is sad - in my family, if someone has a physical illness, they rally round and support - but with something not visible, like a mental illness, there is no mention of it, etc. But I take it in stride and put it down to ignorance on their part. No use in getting myself upset over something I cannot change.

That's the whole thing.. A box of cheap cards cost about $5:00 and a few stamps.. My FOLKS LOVE GETTING A CARD.. Mom used to bring them to me to read.. someof her old neighbors sometime still send a card.. she reads it over and over again.. Yet my brother and his wife can entertain the elite.. And have special flowers for the table and give a little gift for those who attend.. I am furious at their totaal disreguard for my parents.. I could see it if they had been mean people.. but they have done only wonderful kind things for them.i think i will go right now and buy my Dad a card and send it.. love D

when it comes to dad, we only hear from my brother and sister when they need help. dad does call them constently. my father raised 2 of my cousins as his daughters, they are older then myself but i never hear from them. he does the same from time to time he calls them. thats why i had my father move with me, my brother lived with him, but dad was still always alone, i think being alone is why so many elders lose it. sometimes i get mad at them all, but why waist to much of my energy on why they are the way they are.

Yes, It is very hurtful to see your loved one that is sick not get a card, a phone call. Or even just stop by to say hey. I help take care of my roomates grandmother which has alhezimers. She can't remember one min to the next weather she has taken her meds or eaten. But I know when her children come around that brightens her day. She doesn't remember them coming. She has even threated to take them out of her will. You have to remind her that they have came and they had a nice visit. We all have family memebers that just don't understand the disease and don't know how to handle the repeative questions. The ones she just asked 5 seconds ago. But that doesn't mean stop coming. We all need training on how to handle a loved one that is sick no matter the disease.It is heart breaking to see you loved one go through the things they have to go though. We just have to handle it the best way we know how. I know you even have to tell you loved one that they will come when they get a chance. And I agree with some of the replies on here. WHY!! have a funeral and all that expense when they didn't come to see them when there alive. My roommates mother is sincerely thinking about just having a gather at the house and a church service when her mother passes. Just because of the funeral expense. And her and her daughter just being left holding the bag of taking care of her and her needs. Some people just don't know what to do or say when in the presence of there loved one. How to act? I just act normal around Maw Maw I talk to her just like she still has her mind. I talk to her about the Lord and his marelous grace. And what a day that will be we will have a new body. So everyone that is going through this remember we have this wonderful support group. But remember most of all your not alone. The Lord is right ther with you. In all things. AMEN

I know what you mean. When my dad passed away,I only had a grave side service and my brothers didn't even go. They didn't even come see him when he was alive and he begged them. Mom I wonder about that. My mom has Alzhmeirs and in way its a blessing. This way she doesn't think of her sons or does she???? I wonder...I am her care giver 24/7.
Don't let anyone run you out of here. I read your other post. Take care of yourself

Hubby has buddies he emails/phones weekly. One of them has MS too. Sometimes we arrange to meet for coffee. His regular friends from "before" are all gone... I never met them because they all ran off when he got sick in the first place. (So what kind of friends? Their loss, anyway.)

His parents and brother visit/call regularly. My family also do. He is included in any invitations/family events that are accessible, or we take a turn hosting Christmas for example, in our activity room. It's alway's potluck so not difficult. We exchange books etc with our folks. So fortunate to have family involved. As far as extended family... both of ours are overseas. My cousins stay in touch and ask about him... just one of his does, and she says we're the only extended relatives who stay in touch with her.

Guess everybody's got their own way.

When my son was in hospital going through a terrible time with his illness, it was about 5months before my mum and dad came to see him. If he'd have been one of the other grandkids they wouldn't have got away with that but my baby was suffering also from neurological and mental illness and it seemed to be regarded as 'taboo', as though what he was going through wasn't as hard as if hed had a broken leg or a physical illness. "???" I have really big issues with the way my parents handle my son (or don't handle him more like it)...very sad

Nada!!! Not even a phone call to me to find out how she's doing. And she sends cards to everybody!!!

Denial, that river, ya know.
I guess that some of us are ment to be care givers and then we have the others that just don't deal. Lets ignor it and it will go away. How about the people that don't talk about it and just laugh it away. I have no answers just hurts. Love L.

While I am here walk with me,
Laugh with me and stand with me.
Shed a tear if and when you feel the need.
Say a prayer when Im alive,
But once Im gone dont cry.
Dont cry for me

Dont send me flowers,
Give them to me while Im here.
And please dont cry for me,
But smile instead.
I have gone to a place where theres no more pain.
No more sorrow, no more sickness,
No more night, only day.

While I am here talk with me,
Pray with me and comfort me.
Spread some cheer if and when you feel the need.
Sing a song when Im alive,
But once Im gone dont cry.
Dont cry for me

Just Wanted to share this in this disscusion...

I have been posting in my journal about my family and their lack of caring. My older borthers and their families both live about an hour away and can't seem to find any time to call or visit my 59 year old mother. They supposedly don't call her because she sometimes had trouble getting the right words out on the phone...but that doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy hearing from them. I don't want to deal with the Holidays this year. I don't want to have to think about what jerks my brothers's and their wives have become and how upset they make my mother. She'd like to see them and her grandchildren. Sometimes I worry about her quality of her life and that one day she might just stop fighting. (Mostly because I don't know what I'd do if it was me) She lives to see her grandchildren and they make her go monthes and monthes between vistis. I wish they would come and visit and give her more to live/fight for. Holidays were always such a big deal growing up.

I don't want to spend next week/Thanksgiving annoyed with my father because he won't tell them that they are all pieces of crap and that they should get their asses down here to see my mother...instead he will just complain about them all week to me. I hate it. I hate what holidays have become in my house. I don't understand how my brothers could become like this. We weren't raised this way. I am so sick of people saying they are just to busy and they don't have time. Thats BS. We are all busy. Its all about priorities and our family just ins't high enough on their list.

I wish I could just get over these feelings. I wish I could just accept things for the way they are and enjoy Thanksgiving but I can't. Its hard when holidays were magical for so long and now they just stink. I wish I could just say screw you to them...that they will be sorry in the end...they will be sorry when my mother is gone....but the sad thing is...I don't know if they will be..I really think they could care less...and I hate them for that. I never thought I could feel so bitter and hateful towards my family memebers but its coming to that..and I hate feeling that way because I am not a hatefull perosn.

Cyminga, I am feeling just the same way.. We always enjoyed the holidays.. I LOVED having my family around..My Brother and His wife decided years ago.. (she did) that we would entertain them Christmas eve so that Mom and Dad could be sure and give them the christmas CHECK.. It was Ok with me as I enjoyed cooking and what the hell my kids liked their cousins.. Mom And Dad loved seeing all the kids together.. Then when Mom Stopped writing CHECKS at Christmas they decided they would have the eve spent with more INTERESTING PEOPLE. That was Ok with me .. But sad for the folks.. This year at thanksgiving for the first time in 40 years I will not be doing a Holiday dinner for either Thanksgiving or Christmas.. At least not at my home.. I will be with my parents at there place.Why? Because the Brother may stop over for a minute but his wife will not and the kids won't either. You see her family is not SICK.. they can play games and enjoy the day without the worry of someone being in pain or having to clean up some fecal matter.. they can pretend it's not what it is.. But I can't .. these wonderful people have been here for me all my life.. they have been there for my Brother and the bitch he married they are real true blue people..Today When i went into the Safeway store I noticed all the Turkeys and the Holiday stuff.. I remember when Mom was washing the china and all her pretty little glassware.Dad always insisted on making his super duper sause for macaroni.. as he called it.. Even On thanksgiving.. Mom prepared for weeks.. As did I..I know my kids will remember those days when she cooked with her little fancy holiday apron on.. I used the same one years after.. I will wear the same one this Thanksgiving.. For Mom Dad and whoever want's to come... TO THERE HOME .. Love D