Did you know that in the human body is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It is called the anal optic nerve and it is solely responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you dont believe me, just pull a hair from your ass, and see if it doesnt bring a tear to your eye!

Its been a string of many days blending together and a lot of tears. By the time days end comes along, I am light-headed, anxious, worried and exhausted; trying desperately to stay awake or the gremlins will creep!

In my limited absence from home this afternoon, which was unexpected, my father saw fit to go into my living space trying to find the manual for my fireplace along with pulling out propane tanks. He cant see the details of my face but someone thinks he can read extremely small print. His balance and coordination are off and there he is with a lighter in one hand and propane in the other. Before I ran my errand there was one empty propane tank I removed from him and which he found and now has back in his possession. When I returned home there were more tanks of propane. Hes acting like a mother bird collecting things to make her nest; constantly in flight and picking up whatever she can to build her home.

Our confrontation reminded me the old west, where two gunslingers send the local townspeople fleeing for shelter as they immerge from the shadows into the main street for a showdown, with their guns blazing! My father hes armed with his instructions he cant see, read or comprehend and cans of propane and Im armed with words of a varied nature (as I never know how he will react).

The time bubble from the past showdown breaks down quickly when I hear that voice, coming from my father I dont recognize as his. I have come to know this other person as The Evil One and he is belligerent, nasty, angry, and speaks to me like he doesnt know who I am. I vocalize what I am feeling and normally this will calm things down but today it got worse. He tried to argue with me that the wastepaper basket with paper in it was more dangerous than the propane. This is PURE INSANITY! I have learned the hard way not to stand close to him for he will lash out at me physically or with objects if I attempt to block his path from physically harming himself.

Hes confused today and I cant seem to keep track of him. Every second I turn my back, hes gone and Im racing from room to room, floor to floor frantically searching for him.
My biggest fear within the house is having a fire. Last week out of the blue my father asked me if we could practice a fire drill (that's a different topic). Its been a tough over the years but slowly I am getting a handle on this until today.

What I am looking for is how do I handle the Alzheimer patient who displays obsessive, compulsive behavior with certain things. I knew of one propane tank which is used in an emergency to thaw out a frozen pipe but where the others came from is beyond me!

People would be shocked at what has gone missing and what shows up out of nowhere. I have been through this entire house and yet things still mysteriously turn up. Its beyond me, beyond my control how it happens, or when it happens; for it is just part of our reality on a day to day basis.

Getting rid of the propane altogether is not an option, for he would be relentless talking about nothing else until he saw the propane.

I just want to scream at this person, What have you done with my father? I imagine having Alzheimers would have similarities to being taken hostage and held captive for years on end. I wonder about that a lot, what it would be like to be in my fathers shoes.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated ~ Jo