hi there, this is my first post in this community. i have been feeling just awful for a long time now, worse recently. i am 28, my mom has MS and i moved home 2 years ago to help out. i now live with my boyfriend 15 min from my parent's house. my dad is on the road with business all the time, so i am forced to deal with everything. he is constantly calling me worried about mom, or that something is wrong, or can i spend some time with her. i am so torn because i want to have my own life, i want to take care of me and my house and my boyfriend. i want o do well in my job. but i am doing none of these things because if i am not doing errands for mom or seeing her then i feel overcome with guilt. i even feel guilty when my boyfriend cuddles with me because i know my mom is alone and lonely. when my dad is home he is so stressed out by her that he snaps and can be mean. he actually wants to leave the house. he is gone so much and i am left to care for their animals, help clean, etc. sometimes mom just wants to have dinner and i feel awful that i would rather be at home. recently she had a bad fall and i moved in for two weeks since dad was gone. i thought i was losing my mind. and on top of all this, she recently found out that she is retaining so much urine that she needs to self catheterize, but she was sexually traumatized as a child and cannot do it. so she may go into renal failure and die but she says she would rather die than put in catheters. i can't take this, i am getting fat and acne and i have headaches all the time and tired all the time and moody and mean. i never get anything done at work, just stare at myspace all day or e-mail people. i can't take the guilt of not wanting to help but i can't take the helping either. HELP!!!!
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