oh goodness, I can so relate to this. Is this related completely to caregiving, do you think? or also a personality trait. I do not look after my mother 24/7, she lives about ten minutes away, but I have cut myself off, I realise not, from people these last years since my husband died - most of my time has been spent with my mother. I find that I get exhausted with others around too much, but also very very tired when I am with my mother, even though I much enjoy her. So if I am on my own, I get time to process my thoughts and come back to myself. I am thinking very much like you - I just am sometimes too tired, or too wanting to be on my own, to go out and do other things, therefore I have cut myself a lot. Will be very glad to hear what others say about this as well. Thank you, Aseneth..xCathrynn

sometimes i like to be alone, and sometimes i like to be around my family or friends when i have some time off. i dont feel anti social,,, just enjoy myself and feel comfortable being alone. that is something everyone should learn. if i am given a choice of going out, sometimes i say yes sometimes i say no. i enjoy me, i like me. everyone should try that

sometimes, though, circumstances change so much that who the 'me' is in the new circumstnce is a bit unclear...

I find as I age I require less and less time doing outside activities,, I do enjoy my time spent with my Grandchildren. we go on outings.. I have my little social club at the coffee shop and I have all you.. I enjoy my own company and have always found ways to entertain myself..I know down the line I will have more time on my hands to socialize but not even sure if I will choose to do that.. Time will tell..Plus I have all you and that has become very special to me.. Love D

I love to be around people it gives me energy. One friend is my yard sale buddy, she knows me so I can just be me. Other friends are shopping buddies, or dinner buddies or manicure buddies. I like my company usually in the morning I get my day ready and do things around the house...then I just have to get out! I like walks outside or riding on my stationery bike, that is my alone time.

The hardest thing for me is NOT HAVING MY OWN MIND. I feel like I am my mom's second self: daughter, nurse, housekeeper, financial advisor, secretary, even "father confessor"! It's so hard to focus on anything else, even writing in here without interruption. I've stopped doing some things, because it is too frustrating. Also, moving here, I have left all my friends far away. I'm looking forward to going away, alone, because I do not want to be interrupted at all by anyone.. ;o) As much as I like you guys here, I am not even taking my computer. Besides, my sister will need it. I do not know what I will do down the road when I will have more time alone than I will know what to do with, but there is no sense in worrying about that, now..

LOL - I love the way you put that olelady...I think that is what I need to seek space for, to find my mind for a bit!

I can relate to this 100%. I am getting more and more where I want time for myself, but I can't get away from having to make sure my sister is cared for.

I would love to have just a weekend that I could do what I wanted to and have someone check on my sister.

I don't know about others, but I find that when I am with people, I automatically slip into "caregiver mode" and look for ways to help all those around me. This wears me out and makes me not want to be with people. I treasure the time I have on here because the people here really understand.

I do think some of it, is just genuinely wanting to be alone for the sake of being alone. I mean, I don't really consider myself "antisocial" because I choose to stay at home and do something I want...

I think for me, there are so many things I would like to do (that involve just me), like reading, sewing, knitting, etc, and they bring me lots of joy, that I'd rather stay home and do those things, then spend what time I have going to a movie or something which may be less appealing......

Thanks guys, yes we do understand each other. There are two points that I relate to very much. One is that my personality has changed, "I need time to get to know me again" and the second is offering to help others all the time. I have to pinch myself and say "ease up!". This is interesting because do you think we carers offer to help others in ways we need to be helped ourselves? Or simply, we have empathy for others? Aseneth

I'm really glad this is helping you, Aseneth, it is helping me too!! I think perhaps we carers can empathise a great deal? I sometimes feel that is why I get so tired when with others/friends/relations - I find it difficult to NOT see the problems of others, and therefore am often lending a listening ear - but also, with me, I think it may be a real problem - with my mother and many elder members of my family going right back through the generations on mums side, have seemed incredibly outgoing but in fact are not and as they get older they become very very reclusive. My oldest son is very reclusive and said the other day he felt it was really good that he had his family as he would be very happy as a hermit! So I think I must endeavour to balance this out a bit....so, is it in the genes as well...lol

I've heard that people are either introverts or extraverts and the difference is intraverts get their energy from within and extraverts draw energy fro others. My mum is an extravert and my dad is an introvert. I take after dad. My husband Brian is an extravert. When youre exhausted (mentally and/or physically)you need to revitalise and introverts need time and space alone and extraverts need to get among other people. Which are you? Society has a negative attitude toward recluses (is that the correct plural??) But I think if they are truly happy, then why not. Being reclusive and being unhappy is not a good mix. Carers fall into this category but not through choice. bye...

oh yes! did a test a few years ago with work colleagues with ?????!!!!!! omg, I have forgotten the name of it...but it was immensely useful and helped with understanding the different dynamics within a team....I was an INFP - the beginning being introverted, I....omg WHY cant I remember this....can anyone help me in remembering the name of this test? ... will go for a walk and hope it pops into my head....useful for understanding oneself, but also in understanding someone else and why they are naturally so different...

As a full time spousal caregiver, I find that when I get some respite relief, I tend to get out alone. Though I have friends and family I could and probably should visit, I feel more "recharged" with alone time, doing what I want to do without regard to pleasing or satisfying someone else. I guess you could say I'm selfish with my limited "free time", but for me that is the only and I do mean only time, I have to myself. Unfortunately, even much of that "free time' is spent shopping or getting things done away from home that needs to be done for our health and welfare, and is still viewed as respite relief.