I nag... then I feel guility .. i also come here to vent it helps me.. Writing in my journal also helps .. i keep one a diary.. love D

I know it is hard..
I was just thinking AGAIN today how it is all so backwards. My mom drools, now and has accidents. She needs help walking and even getting positioned in the bed. I suppose you could go to the baby site and read the same thing. :o( Big difference: With the babies, it usually gets better; with the old folks, it usually gets worse. My mom forgets things. I tell her a million times, trying to make each response sound like the first. She's even asked me how I know so much to have such quick answers.. Just make sure you get free time and rest. Both are a must! When one is tired, stressed and grumpy to begin with, it is so much harder to be patient and kind like you (we) want to be. Good luck!

I find I lose patience more when I am over-stressed. Just knowing that is where it comes from helps me. Sometimes I have 'lost it' with my son and said things I would not normally say - but I have learned that I need to explain the way I feel to my son and that helps. I just tell him 'I said that only because I was stressed, I love you, I did not mean it in my heart'. He accepts that and now, once in a while, if I say something I should not, he simply says 'are you stressed?' LOL. Maybe it is time to take some time away - don't mean for 6 months, but even a walk to cool down when you see and feel yourself tensing up. And do you know that it is like the Catch 22 - you get stressed, you then feel guilty, which then causes more stress. Just talk about it with your Dad, and then FORGET about the guilt. Recognize where it came from... that helped me.

everytime i get frustrated with dad or dave i think of my mom anymore. she died 12 years ago, how she was just gone in a flash (she had a massive heart attack at bingo) and how i wish i had this time, to get pissed, to get angry and frustrated at her, and her at me. to see her smile at a corney joke, or make her own corney joke and laugh about it for hours saying the punch line over and over and the laughing would start all over again. do i get frusstrated daggone straight, and in a few hours i start laughing at my sillyness, cause in the end it dont matter if i was pissed or frustrated, it was that i am and gonna enjoy it, being mad and all

Oh boy, can I relate to you. You know, I also have thought about how my Dad will remember me one day, but if he's like my dad, they are not capable of thinking like that now. My dad doesn't get mad when I nag, scream or yell at him. My husband wonders why I do it, because it doesn't phase my dad at all, it only gets me more upset. I bet all caregivers nag now and then -WE ARE ONLY HUMAN!!!! (On a spritual note, I imagine that when he passes on, he will revert to his old self and only remember me as his sweet, stubborn oldest daughter and not his mother-like, nag caregiver!!)

I take my dad to a therapist every once in a while and she says to deal with this with as much humor as possible. So to that end, when I get upset, I tell my dad I'm going to drop him off in skid row. Then we both laugh and for a moment the frustration goes away. The skid row comment is related to a series of hospitals in Los Angeles who were recently busted for dropping off patients from the hospital who didn't have anywhere to go. I know that's terrible, but My dad still has a sense of humor and one day I just really felt like I wanted to take him somewhere else and that popped out of my mouth. It worked. and now it is an ongoing thing.....

Maybe you could try something similar....and remember I'm new so if this is lame, feel free to give me a kick!!!

this is how I feel with my 5 year old, not so much with those ancient ones we care for. I was just saying this last night....
oh the guilt!

I don't feel like I nag, but anytime Pops does something good for himself (exercise, watching sugar or salt intake) and I compliment him on it, he claims he does it so he 'don't get hollered at'...

I know that feeling. Its just fustration, tiredness, and the overwhelming feeling coming out. Hang in there and try and take a few minutes a day for you. Easier said then done I know. I also find talking helps too. Find a good friend that you can complain too. Call them. It worked for me. Like D said keep that journal. Writing things down always seem to help. Take Care and God Bless.

I working on remember to count to 10... the old parenting toddler bit. I'm sure it works for ancients too.

hang in there.

I think if I could let go of the anger I have because of my mom being sick, then maybe it would all be better. I guess I am a nagging not it all...Love Lonaka

yes, I do try to count to ten, because if I sound even faintly naggy mum takes offence! so I work hard at it but it IS hard, on the other hand she doesnt live with me all the time as with many of you, though I do see her most days. Trouble is, despite hearing aid, she has difficulty understanding and having to KEEP repeating things, well, an edge does creep into the voice, doesnt it...lol..........but if it does, mum gets so effected...phew!

When I'm frustrated with Mom, I have to walk away. I sometimes go to the bedroom and turn the TV in there on, or find other distractions like reading or calling someone. Anything to avoid talking to her when I'm upset. If I didn't nag, she'd never do a dang thing she needed to, and one plus for her forgetfulness I suppose, is forgetting that I've been nagging her.

I notice that exercise effects my frustration and stress levels...

If I don't exercise, I'm ready to smack somebody....

So that is how I regulate my stress...

.>

You are so pushed to the brink at times that "biting back" is a natural response but you pay for it later with the guilt trips. My situation began to progress from frustration to sympathy and this is hard to deal with too but helps me to handle my moods. Everything that frustrates me frustrates Zane 100 times more. And yes he gets very angry and even physical. I tend to nag my other 2 kids instead!! poor things, byexxx

I am so glad to hear others do this too. I really do feel bad after I unload on my sister. And it does happen when I am tired and stressed. This is something I need to work on because she really does not understand when I act this way.