I write this in hopes to share my story and reach out to so many women who find themselves depressed when breastfeeding for one reason or another doesn't work. I have 3 children,2 boys and 1 girl, I intended to solely breastfeed each child,each time I wound up with a starving child, sore and cracked nipples,a raging case of mastitis,nights of many tears, and a feeling of inadequecy as a mother when I had to turn to the bottle. I went to a lactation consultant with both of my boys only to leave even more depressed and angry when the main information I was given was how I had to breastfeed no matter the pain or lack of sleep, there was never any problem solving or even much compassion.Until today, my daughter is 8 days old and I have been deadset on making breastfeeding work,I've not offered a pacifier,no bottle and offered her the breast at ever wimper, until 3 days ago everything seemed fine, she seemed satisfied she was peeing,pooping,sleeping,etc,then my nipples began to get sore, then it cracked, then she spit up a little blood, then she didn't poop, then the doctor said she still hadn't gained any weight,she lost 13 oz,I tried pumping and at most I pumped barely 2 oz in about 45 minutes, my daughter was really sleepy, I even had to wake her several times to make her eat, I went to see a lactation consultant, she watched my nurse my daughter for 50 minutes, in that time she could tell she stated nursing strong and swallowed a little then after a while she wasn't swallowing and she bagan sucking less and less and got tired and just went to sleep, we found in the time period she only took in 24 grams of milk,needless to say the nurse took time to really listen to me,she asked tons of questions she observed a lot and found that I am not supplying much milk at all, and that my daughter is burning more calories by nursing then she is taking in,I have to supplement because she obviously isn't even getting enough to sustain her weight let alone gain anything, the nurse was so careful about how she worded everything and made sure I knew that this was all my decision she wasn't the typical lactation consultant that only offers you info about breastfeeding,she told me that for my milk supply to be brought up I would require medication(although there are some herbs too)but it would be diff because most of them cause you to get milk fast and you become engourged and I would have to nurse or pump frequently to enusre I don't become engorged because I have had a history of mastitis and am on the verge of getting it now, she was honest and didn't hide certain details just to make certain I still chose to breastfeed, the nurse also said that she can't prove it but she's almost sure that this is the exact reason that breastfeeding didn't work for me before either, so I put myself through hell for months for something that was really out of my control! I felt like I should share this because breastfeeding isn't easy especially when it doesn't come as naturally as it's commercialized to, it's hard work and it's devastating when you can't do it,I wanted to let other mothers know that sometimes it's out of your hands, and when it comes down to it it is a mother's choice, you know in your heart what the right decision is for YOUR baby, I know that I looked for more stories from mom's who had struggled with breastfeeding and I always heard more from mom's who only breastfed and didn't have any problems,it would have really helped me to see more of the stories of mom's that gave it their all and still had to turn to the bottle, I felt so alone
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