
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Chances are..the reason why they leave really doesn't have much to do with us..and they don't fully understand it themselves.
* It just happened
* It was an accident
* I didn't mean for it to happen
* They understand me
* I don't know how it happen for so long
There's no thought behind this. The only thought that may be envolved is the tourtured denial of reality it would take to completely ignore the vows someone took that include "forsaking all others".
Those words are just a formality, they're the ground rules to base a relationship off of, they break the ground on what are supposed to be a new beginning to two people and two people ONLY.
In a marriage, these ground rules are paramount. And a failure to uphold them is a reflection on the cheater's part, not the person being cheated on.
"But but but...there had to be reasons why the other person cheated."
Bullshit.
There had to be reasons why the person doing the cheating felt it necessary to inflict this kind of pain on their partner. A sadistic streak otherwise unrealised. Somehow, in their mind, this kind of behavior is okay.
But there's nothing that makes it okay.
I'd survived an affair from her in 04 only to have it happen in 07. Apparantly, I didn't get the hint in 04 as she put it. Therefore, the first time around, I did everything to understand and consumed by what happened. This time, yes, I had my moments but just came to realize that I am better OFF without her. AND affairs NEVER ever last! That being said, just consider yourself lucky that she was stupid enough to think the grass was greener, which might be while everything is new and eupohoric but sooner or later, blam, she'll see the grass is dry and brown. and you'll be a healed person.
When my stbx left, somehow I didnt ask the question to myself, because deep inside of me, I knew it. For the past three years, he proved again and again that he was only interested in himself and his own entertainment activities, and family for him was only an annoyance in the way of the things he wanted to do, people who did not understand that he needed to be 24/7 dedicated to his "things" because he was "depressed" (although he refused to go counselling because he was busy "doing stuff"). When he finally announced that he was leaving me for another woman because he wanted to be "single again and do stuff with his girlfriend and friends", I was not surprised.
We can ask a million question trying to understand this, but at the end, its a waste of time and the only thing that matters is that we need to heal and move on
I never wanted to know if there was anything I could have done to make it better, I wanted to know when and how many times, stuff like that. But things that I knew it would seriously hurt me to know, I never asked.
I brought it up to my counsellour as H said he would only tell me in a controlled environment because it's gonna hurt me.
Counsellor said it is not a good idea and that I do not need to know why in order to heal. And that sometimes it really hurts hearing it and can set people back.