Your situation sounds a bit like mine. My ex and I are still best friends and I was the first to have a new boyfriend. My ex had a hard time with it at first but we both talked it through and remained great friends. We both knew that we would always be a family as we have a 3 year old together and we always want our son to know that if he wants to go to the park with mom and dad or to dinner that we are fine with that. It takes a lot of work on both ends but the end result is so worth it. It stinks to be fighting with someone all the time. Especially someone who holds your entire past. I think you are doing the right thing in trying to have a friendship. Your children will benifit greatly from it. You sound like a great guy!

I think it's admirable that you two have remained friends and work to have a peaceful co-parenting relationship. Perhaps there is a way you can set some boundaries, though, or set certain topics as off-limits. There's no reason you have to discuss your current partnerships with each other. Keep the focus on the kids and whatever mutual, platonic interests you may have, but leave the rest of it as private matters. This will help you separate your relationship with each other from the new relationships you are forging with other people.

Staying good friends is great, especially for the kids. I hope one day me and the x could do that also. To much distrust and hurt now but maybe later. I think thats great.

Sounds like your new person is insecure - her problem.

I'm still friends with my VSTBX but would never take him back. Any guy I would date would need to understand that since kids are involved - communication with an EX is necessary.

You've been together a long time. That gives you a lot in common and you know each other inside and out. She is really in a fantasy position right now. If he's "doing it all" for her - well - that's simply about lust, in my opinion. It's something new and different and he's semi-unattainable (300 miles away), so that makes it even "more exciting." I'm pretty sure she will see it for what it is fairly quickly.

Why do you think you are being used? Are you still emotionally attached? I thing most of the people on this site would love to have an amicable separation/divorce as it appears you have. You are only being used if she still has you on an emotional leash!

Thats great that you can be friends, the hard part is going to be your new G/F. She needs to believe that you are not going to take your X back. Do whats best for the kids they are what matters most

To zoom9
Not sure if I am on an emotional leash - do wnat her to get best out of life wven if someone else- but doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. Yes a bit p**sed off as Im thinking the same & reckon shes got the fantasy - new lust and old hubby and father of kids still speaking. Main part of me thinks want to keep my best pal, but wee part p**sed off and wants to make sure she doesnt forget how much shes hurt me. New women isnt insecure and pretty laid back- her comments are more coming from having been thru all this 3 years ago and the emotions that obviously have to be worked thru,

You guys are all wonderful!! cheers- maybe I just need to stop thinking so bloody much!

I think that when a man goes out to eat with an x he is being selfish with his new girlfriend. I am not insecure by far, but i had 2 x boyfriends that played this game and that is why they are not in my life. their xs wanted them to go out to eat and go to museums with the children and so on. if you can do that you can stay married to them. the minute i dumped them they were out to dinner with their x and by themselves, no children. some xs try anything they can to make it uncomfortable for the new person. some people never learn. they just keep on being selfish. i wouldn't do that to my x husbands wife, i have more respect for myself and for his wife. we didn't make it and my children went out to eat with them, not the two of us. that is life. my children are 27 and 29 and they turned out just fine by me not staying involved with their dad for thier sake.

I am in a similar situation, my x is dating and I am not, we still talk all the time and are very good friends, in fact, he tells me more then he does the new gf...I admit, it makes it a little difficult because the feelings creep back almost every time I see him and I keep thinking "what if". I try to keep a little distance, but can't help loving and worrying about him constantly. I have to say, this is the best situation for our children, because we really come together and support eachother where they are concerned and that we don't bad-mouth eachother is HUGE. So many people in this situation use their children against eachother.
If you aren't sure what you want, how can you expect the new gf to be sure of you? Good luck!

You might be the "perfect husband" and now you might be the perfect ex-husband. I thought that my STBX and I would behave the same way after knowing each other for 20+ years but I was wrong. Kudos to you.
You should keep a good relationship with the ex for the sake of the kids and for your long history, but I agree with Siennadog that you need some boundaries, especially if you have some anger towards the situation. Stop being so perfect and let her know some of the not so pretty thoughts and feelings you are having. If your ex is truly your friend, she will listen to you.
As for the GF, you better make sure she agrees to the boundaries you have set up with your children's mother or you might have another breakup on your hands.

I think this is great. My STBX and I are trying to do this. I think it is the best thing to do for the kids, if you can. They see that their parents, even though no longer married, still care about each other and can still be friends. It's an important life lesson for them. As long as you feel comfortable with it, do it.

If there is not a lot of anger and animosity between the two of you there is no reason to cut her out of your life.

As for the g/f, that's a common problem. Personally, I will never be with someone who can't deal with the fact that my STBX and I maintain a friendly relationship for the sake of our son. The important thing is not to exclude your g/f. See if you can bring her into your life and your relationship with your ex more fully. Then she wouldn't feel so threatened. I've even seen cases where the ex and the new wife have become good friends. Stranger things have happened!

If you are enjoying your new relationship with your X wife, then you're not being used. (Even though you DO have some hurt and anger going on, this is pretty normal.) You two are doing the best you can for your children and also for your friendship. The new girl friend in your life, I am not sure. I guess that would depend on how serious you are with her. Make it clear up front what you are or are NOT going to give up. Also, reassurance both in words and deeds from you are going to help you with your new relationship. Keep assuring her that you are NOT in the possition to take your X wife back. Perhaps, you might want to limit your time spent talking/going out with your X. Like what was stated before, set boundaries.

Also, this is something that MAY NOT have occured to you, she may be keeping this relationship/freindship with you as her "back up plan!" Its very subtle perhaps, but its there! listen to your own quote...
"totally does it all- & she cant imagine what she would do if they split up - hes 300miles away ... she admits that he's a bit unstable and there is no way they would last if they were living together. "

That says ALOT! In other words, its NOT going to last, one way or another! KEEP WATCH! AND BE ON YOUR GUARD! After all, she DID break up your family and your life for her own persuit of happiness! Who is to say she wouldnt try to get you back for the same reason, some time down the road. You might want to keep that in mind if you are thinking "NO WAY!"

Take some time to find out exactly what you want out of your relationship with your Xwife and your new girl friend.

Also, this kind of situation isnt that unusual. I am seeing it more and more. My duaghters "guy" friend's parents are divorced. She is remarried his dad is not. Kyle's hobby is racing and both his parents go to the races along with his mothers new husband. They get along very well together. When they went to prom, Kyle's dad was at his moms house to meet us and take pictures of the kids together. I do not know the nature of their divorce, but I am was very happy to see how well both parents got along and still did things with their son. However, I do not believe his mom and dad go out to dinner unless it is directly related to Kyle and his racing or other sporting events. I also believe that her new husband is welcome anytime though he might not always be able to go.

Sorry tahts so long, I hope it helps!

My case is the total opposite of yours, we barely talk which is nothing new. This business of being friends and then you mention she is taking you to the cleaners. How can you be friends when the wounds in you back still have not healed. I am so angry with my stbx, after putting up with all the crap over the years and all the lies not to mention the cheating. At first I thought we could end up at least friends but I don't see it now. May be way down the road but not now, that is for sure. Adam you are getting played she is taking advantage of your good nature. Screw that you need to look at this for what it is and stop letting her having her cake and eating it.

I would have a hard time dealing with too much friendship. Being able to talk about the children would be no problem. But dinners, long personal talks, pecks on the cheek...shows there is still to much feelings there, and more than likely any new g/f would have reason to feel insecure. Keep it polite but not too overly friendly, if yall are able to be that close why the reason for the divorce?

PS guys - the dinners are a chinese with the kids - I kiss my mum/sister/most female pals on cheek when I meet them.So should I stop kissing them if any g/f gets jealous too?

Id rather talk how each others day has been than have a cold hand over.

Thanks for all your views