
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
Ok guys need some thoughts- Am I in a really good position or being kinda used?
As some will have read I split up from ex after 15 yrs marraiage & 20 yrs knowing each other, as I "no longer lighted her fire " (& probably never did) and she wanted to be independent, creative etc etc , but am still considered to be a great guy which includes good looking and perfect husband (Too perfect??) She has not taken me to the cleaners re splitting up stuff and has all been done reasonably straightforawrdly. We split up looking after kids 50/50. WE both have resaonable own income & homes.
She now has a new guy who shes admits "totally does it all- & she cant imagine what she would do if they split up - hes 300miles away & they make the round trip week about usually but she admits that he's a bit unstable and there is no way they would last if they were living together.
I am trying to do the good friends bit, we often give each other a peck on cheek when dropping kids off- able to have cups of tea or sometime have dinner together with kids. We both agree that we like being able to talk together. Since our split her parents & most of her family have pretty much shunned her. Part of me really likes our contact as to lose all contact with someone who was (& still is) one of my closest friends would be worse than the separation/divorce - Another part thinks hold on son- shes wants the best of both worlds & I should be saying "sorry pal- you made a choice that you didnt wan to be with me - get on with your life"
I have someone else in my life who knows I still want to be good friends with ex- but doesnt believe I wouldnt take her back (which I wouldnt)But not sure what I do want.
Thoughts please - especially any women who have been in similar position or can relate. I know Ive got it easy compared to a lot of you - but my heads still up my a**e
As some will have read I split up from ex after 15 yrs marraiage & 20 yrs knowing each other, as I "no longer lighted her fire " (& probably never did) and she wanted to be independent, creative etc etc , but am still considered to be a great guy which includes good looking and perfect husband (Too perfect??) She has not taken me to the cleaners re splitting up stuff and has all been done reasonably straightforawrdly. We split up looking after kids 50/50. WE both have resaonable own income & homes.
She now has a new guy who shes admits "totally does it all- & she cant imagine what she would do if they split up - hes 300miles away & they make the round trip week about usually but she admits that he's a bit unstable and there is no way they would last if they were living together.
I am trying to do the good friends bit, we often give each other a peck on cheek when dropping kids off- able to have cups of tea or sometime have dinner together with kids. We both agree that we like being able to talk together. Since our split her parents & most of her family have pretty much shunned her. Part of me really likes our contact as to lose all contact with someone who was (& still is) one of my closest friends would be worse than the separation/divorce - Another part thinks hold on son- shes wants the best of both worlds & I should be saying "sorry pal- you made a choice that you didnt wan to be with me - get on with your life"
I have someone else in my life who knows I still want to be good friends with ex- but doesnt believe I wouldnt take her back (which I wouldnt)But not sure what I do want.
Thoughts please - especially any women who have been in similar position or can relate. I know Ive got it easy compared to a lot of you - but my heads still up my a**e
Posts You May Be Interested In
-
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
-
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
I'm still friends with my VSTBX but would never take him back. Any guy I would date would need to understand that since kids are involved - communication with an EX is necessary.
Why do you think you are being used? Are you still emotionally attached? I thing most of the people on this site would love to have an amicable separation/divorce as it appears you have. You are only being used if she still has you on an emotional leash!
Not sure if I am on an emotional leash - do wnat her to get best out of life wven if someone else- but doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. Yes a bit p**sed off as Im thinking the same & reckon shes got the fantasy - new lust and old hubby and father of kids still speaking. Main part of me thinks want to keep my best pal, but wee part p**sed off and wants to make sure she doesnt forget how much shes hurt me. New women isnt insecure and pretty laid back- her comments are more coming from having been thru all this 3 years ago and the emotions that obviously have to be worked thru,
You guys are all wonderful!! cheers- maybe I just need to stop thinking so bloody much!
If you aren't sure what you want, how can you expect the new gf to be sure of you? Good luck!
You should keep a good relationship with the ex for the sake of the kids and for your long history, but I agree with Siennadog that you need some boundaries, especially if you have some anger towards the situation. Stop being so perfect and let her know some of the not so pretty thoughts and feelings you are having. If your ex is truly your friend, she will listen to you.
As for the GF, you better make sure she agrees to the boundaries you have set up with your children's mother or you might have another breakup on your hands.
If there is not a lot of anger and animosity between the two of you there is no reason to cut her out of your life.
As for the g/f, that's a common problem. Personally, I will never be with someone who can't deal with the fact that my STBX and I maintain a friendly relationship for the sake of our son. The important thing is not to exclude your g/f. See if you can bring her into your life and your relationship with your ex more fully. Then she wouldn't feel so threatened. I've even seen cases where the ex and the new wife have become good friends. Stranger things have happened!
Also, this is something that MAY NOT have occured to you, she may be keeping this relationship/freindship with you as her "back up plan!" Its very subtle perhaps, but its there! listen to your own quote...
"totally does it all- & she cant imagine what she would do if they split up - hes 300miles away ... she admits that he's a bit unstable and there is no way they would last if they were living together. "
That says ALOT! In other words, its NOT going to last, one way or another! KEEP WATCH! AND BE ON YOUR GUARD! After all, she DID break up your family and your life for her own persuit of happiness! Who is to say she wouldnt try to get you back for the same reason, some time down the road. You might want to keep that in mind if you are thinking "NO WAY!"
Take some time to find out exactly what you want out of your relationship with your Xwife and your new girl friend.
Also, this kind of situation isnt that unusual. I am seeing it more and more. My duaghters "guy" friend's parents are divorced. She is remarried his dad is not. Kyle's hobby is racing and both his parents go to the races along with his mothers new husband. They get along very well together. When they went to prom, Kyle's dad was at his moms house to meet us and take pictures of the kids together. I do not know the nature of their divorce, but I am was very happy to see how well both parents got along and still did things with their son. However, I do not believe his mom and dad go out to dinner unless it is directly related to Kyle and his racing or other sporting events. I also believe that her new husband is welcome anytime though he might not always be able to go.
Sorry tahts so long, I hope it helps!
Id rather talk how each others day has been than have a cold hand over.
Thanks for all your views