when i first started this journey, i thought nothing will ever be good again in my life: then, i thought ok, what is bad. well, my daughter has cancer. Positive, she is in the best cancer center in the world. i was not working, Positive, i'm a nurse i can get a job in a nursing home if i have to (no offense, always worked in hospitals). i didnt have a car, Positive, when dad dies he left me enough money to get a car. had to move, Positive, living with my son until get place of my own. i hope this helps some.

Drugs help out immensely.

If you numb the pain, then there's nothing to feel bad about.

The basic idea behind thinking positive is that if you focus on positive things, they will actually happen.

This isn't too far from the truth.

Hey everyone, it's time for some cognitive learning!!

Imagine you have a triangle. At the top of the triangle is your thoughts.

On the bottom right, your feelings.

On the bottom left, your thoughts.

All three of these things affect each other. And sometimes, they work themsevles into a spiral that is hard to pull out of.

The easiest one to change is your actions. You have the most control over those.

Next, you have your thoughts. A little more difficult sometimes, but you can still change what you think about.

Then last but not least, your emotions. They kinda slow as far as learning goes, but if the other two are doing something positive, your emotions will catch up eventually.

Lists help. Being able to visualize what you're doing, what you're trying to focus on is extremely helpful.

Bottom left should be emotions, oops

...and top is actions.

I need more coffee, sorry.

The entire field of positive psychology is based on the fact that life generally sucks... and a certain degree of delusion, blindness, and selective attention is needed to focus on the positive. Interestingly, the old idea that depressed people have an inaccurate negative style of thinking is not necessarily correct. They just have a more realistic view of the world... which unfortunately is not that healthy for your mental health!

My life really sucks at this time... actually, in all honesty and objectivity, it was never as bad as now... but this morning I was so excited about running for 1 hour straight without lower back pain! See... delusional, irrational, blind, superficial thoughts... but they sure work.

sorta the same as what HG says, if you fake a smile enough (the actions) eventually you will feel a little bit better. It really kind of works.

Otherwise something I try to do is make sure once a day you find one thing that is a positive. (I got the parking spot I wanted, someone held the door open for me, I saw a beautful deer cross the street) and eventually you notice those things more. The key, apparently, is to write it down. Hope it helps.

I grew up in an extremely negative family, so this de-programming I'm going through is not an easy thing. Learned thoughts and behaviors are tough to let go of, but I'm giving it my best shot, trying to get rid of old beliefs and instill new ones. Good luck!

Thanks HG....I did some congnitive behaviour therapy recently....time to re-read the notes!!
Thanks for the reminder.....
Also thanks cshel, I used to be really good at smiling no matter what....Ill practice.
I also like the delusion thinking newinpitt...
oooo and a positive thought...you all were here to help me :D
Thanks everyone

There's not an easy answer for that. I am in your boat at this point. I get pretty negative, guilty, sad, for what's going on.
One thing I do is find one thing during the day that makes me happy. It's either walking the dog, or meditation, or I just tell myself that I will be okay. Some days it's a lot harder than others, but one thing pleasurable is my reward for just being and going through this stuff.

I am having a hard time thinking positive. A friend told me that she believes that things happen for a reason and that I need to get through this in order to receive the happiness I'm destined for.
Still chewing on that one.
I try to think positive by trying to tell myself if yes, this marriage is really over, I will grow from it, get better for it (tons of therapy) and that one day I'll be able to get over him, let go and forgive myself for my part.