You are on a roll today.

I totally relate to your statement above AND I loved your comment about crying during a commercial for the SPCA.

I have always cried at a particular cotton commercial. I haven't seen it for years. It's the one where the little old lady nibbles on the little old mans ear (or vice versa). That commercial is a few years old. As I think of it, I may have been crying about the fact that I didn't even have that kind of love or adoration from my ex in my friggin 20s, let alone in my 70s/80s.

You are cracking me up. Have a good weekend!

Good one, here's a couple more.

Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.

to keep it even

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."

Okay, all you blonds, don't be offended. This is just the first time since October-December that I have a sense of humor:
A blond was swerving down the road. A copy finally pulled her over, and asked why she was all over the place. She said, "Suddenly there was a tree to my left, so I had to swerve right. Then there was a tree to my right, so I had to swerve left". The copy said ...
Lady, that's your air freshener!

Sorry this one is in poor taste, but what the heck, here you go.


Duct Tape - Joke

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did,it wouldn't show".

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

"I kicked her in the face."

Larry, you kill me. Man of a thousand jokes. Okay a few more.

A young woman is divorced after only a few years of marriage, and it is not long before her friends begin to ask her if she is thinking of marrying again. Right now, no," the young woman answers "I've hardly begun to enjoy using the remote control."

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or the machine?"

This guy called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit. "I've got grounds, all right," sputtered the irate husband. "Can you believe my wife told me I'm a lousy lover?" "That's why you're suing?" pursued his lawyer. "Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the difference."

Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce." Lawyer: "Are you married?" Wife: "Yes, of course." Lawyer: "Then you have grounds."

Love to laugh! Great stuff guys.

i love it you guys are cracking me up. Thanks.

Ok one more round, let's start with the women:

A Woman's Perfect Breakfast
You're sitting at the breakfast table.....
Your son's picture is on the box of Wheaties.
Your daughter is on the cover of Fortune.
Your boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
Your husband is on the back of the milk carton.

For the men:

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard ladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."

And for you cheaters:

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.
The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
"How so?" the encouraged man asked.
"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."

Smile everyone :)