Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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With or without you, talking to kids.

deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi again,
I have been wanting to talk to my kids about our D but my STBX is afaid of talking to them. 1 because we don't know about coustody and 2 because she is just afraid. We are in month 4 of the D and they average about 9 months in this state. We have been to court 1 time and are going back 2 weeks from now. DO I tell them on my own? Do I tell her I will talk to them on such and such a day and be there or I will do it by myself?
I know she wants me to move out but my attny told me not to. I don't understand why she wants me to move out but not tell the kids. I feel that will make me look real bad by telling them as i'm moving. "daddy and I are getting a divorce and by the way, he's moving out tonight". OMG, talk about stress on the kids!

What would you do, or what DID you do? I would hate to go behind her back but I gotta do whats best for them also.
HELP
deleted_user
deleted_user
So sorry to hear this is happening to you. I wish i had all of the answers, I really do. It hink its very important that you tell the children TOGETHER. They need to know that your love for them will not change and will most likely have a lot of wuestions that NEED to be answered. How old are the kids? You need to tell them in a way that is understandable in their terms and age appropriate. They dont need to knnow all of the details but you both really to get your ducks in a row because the kids will be worried and stressed about living arrangements and so forth if that has not been worked out yet. Its a scary time for everyone involved.

I was not fortunate to take this route as stbx announced his wish to divorce from via text from the other side of the country. I've been the one left to deal with everything in regards to my son. His dad did not even have the decency to talk to him about it.

I wish you the best...this is a tough one...
deleted_user
deleted_user
First off, you didn't say how old your kids were. I feel their age makes a BIG difference in "how" or "what" you say to the kids; however they NEED to know what is going on, but in "their" age language. Best of luck to you!~! "Keep Your Chin Up!~!"
deleted_user
deleted_user
They are 9 and 10. Would only tell them that we both love them and we will always have a place for them. That it is not in any way their fault that we just don't get along and it would be best for us to split.
When we know the living arrangments then I would tell them that part. Kinda "tell them as we know"
deleted_user
deleted_user
So you are both saying I should try again to get her to sit with me and tell them?
deleted_user
deleted_user
IMO, I feel that they NEED to know that this has NOTHING to do with them. That they will be LOVED & CARED for by BOTH of you & that will never change, that you BOTH will ALWAYS love them & be there for them. Just give them the reassurance that they need... They will need LOTS of it right now, that's for sure. Good luck!~!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I took my daughter aside and told her that I was going to ask hubby to leave before he knew anything about it. Two things though... she was almost 15 and hubby is her step-father. Her advice to me was to not let him talk me out of kicking him out this time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry for what you are going through. I went through a divorce about 6 years ago. My ex and I are close friends and remained close friends during the divorce. I think the kids need to be told prior to you moving out. I think that would be way to quick and to much for them to absorb in one night. I would try talking to your STBX and let her know that you intend to tell them. Express to her how important it is for her to be there. But, I think if she still refuses then you should sit down and talk to them.
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