So, here's the situation... husband of 7 years is seriously considering leaving because of my intamacy issues. Increasingly throughout our marriage, we've had arguments about the frequency of sex (he'd like it nearly every day, while I'm content with once a week). The discussions in the past were always about our different sexual desires and how he never "gets any" (though I don't think he's ever gone more than 10 days without). Now that he's threatening to leave, we've been talking about the issue in more detail, and he started telling me that it's more about me expressing desire and intamacy during love making than about the frequency. He wants to feel like I want him. He wishes I would have locked into his eyes. He says there's no "passion" between us.

I agree that I am to blame and that I've taken his passion for granted more each year, forcing it to fade into extinction. I am responsible for the light in his eyes growing dim. I've understood this for nearly two weeks now since he came to me with suggestion of the "Big D." But it wasn't until today that I realized that I do not associate LOVE with SEX. I've always seen sex as an act to satisfy a physical need. Why could I not have seen it as a way to express my love to my husband until these desparate times? I've always been a faithful wife and was never promiscuous even before I was with him. I've only had sex with one other guy (who I did not love). I do enjoy sex, but I rarely "made love" to my husband. I do love my hushand with a passion I have for no one else.

He says that througout our marriage we've been more like best friends. He thinks now that I have nothing to offer him beyond being his best friend. He is so hurt by my years of intimate rejection that he may never be willing to give me another chance. He has slowly disconnected himself from me, and he's afraid that if he reconnects with me, he'll have to start the disconnection process all over again if I slip back into old patterns.

Has anyone else thought of sex in this way? I have NO idea why I am like this. He always says something must have happend to me as a kid, but I honestly do not think I was abused or anything like that. He cheated on me once when we were dating and living in different states. In my mind, that's the worst thing that has ever happened to me sexually or emotionally.