Wick-I didn't think that I deserved any better. How is THAT for Honest.

can't speak for anyone but me....

it isn't fear, it's a hope, it's wanting to know that no matter what, it's going to be ok, because of the love... it's the definition of unconditional. no kids, no guilt, just a desire to believe and be shown that people are good, that i wouldn't have gotten myself into this if not for a reason.

that said.... it feels like failure, like a realization that my trust was shit on... my "good human" qualities taken for granted.

like everything i ever valued is being shoved in my face and disproved. makes me question myself, i hate that part.

WICK. LISTEN UP. As well as others that LOVE their ex's who essentially ripped out their hearts, ran them over with a semi, ground them in a meat grinder, then fed to wild animals, picked up their messes later then burned the waste.
You don't still love the ex who cheated. you are in LOVE with the idea of being in LOVE with someone that doesn't exist! You love the idea of a warm person to talk to and grow old with, that shares your values, that wants the same things in life as you do. You are essentailly in love with an ILLUSION of what that person is. It isn't them, nor the perception you've had about them. Simply being they are rotten and don't deserve your love.

JT you nailed it.

And not only do they throw you under the bus, but the kids too. Even the grown kids are shaken by a parent's adultery.

For me it is low self esteem... I dont belive anyone else will ever want me.

I finally got to the point where I don't love my ex anymore, and I really really dont want him in my life at all. But I still dont believe anyone will want me.

Ouch. I have been critizised for doing all in my power to get back with a cheating controlfreak so many times that I cant count them anymore, in rl but especially here on DS. For the record - my stbx is a good person making bad mistakes, not a sociopath.

Just as Lane says it has nothing to do with fears in my case either. Call me hopelessly romantic, but it is love. I cannot explain all the hundreds of reasons why I am sure of this, not in a short forum post. All I can say is that I genuinely believe in not only my own feelings but in OUR love - believe it is special, powerful and someting that most people in the world would envy us if they knew. I try to convince myself that I dont care so much about our marriage anymore, but I do honestly believe that we one day will be that old couple that still kisses passionately and walks hand in hand, looking back on a stormy but good relationship.
Oh boy, am I going to get more well-meaning messages and good advice regarding this post! Alright all, bring it on. I know I'm stupid and setting myself up for more pain. Not going to change my mind this week, I WILL continue to do my best to get him back, preferably before this marriage is over.

lilgost.
don't think anyone will not want you. you have to want yourself and you'll find people in droves who'll want you. just be by yourself for a time and they will come. you have to also remember not to place your self worth on the value given to a relationship with a person who don't give a crap about you, your family their family, themselves. jut be thankful they left you when they did I say. gives you time to process and move on and when the next suitor or companion comes along you'll be the driver of that bus. just make sure you don't run over your ex, but pass them by on the freeway of love. as aretha says...

For me it was unconditional love. I would have forgiven her and moved on if I thought she would be her original self. The person who at one time treated me like a King, and she was my Queen

I think he really loves me and we have something special.Then I hate him and know he couldn't care less about me.Then I feel sorry for him because I figure he has to be sick(in mind)to do this.Then there are days that I am thinking so rationally and realize I am so better off without this pain, sadness and games in my life.Then I start all over again.I'm sure it has to do with the rejection.He picked someone else.Even if he does eventually come back again, how long before he does it again?Some days I believe I just want him to tell her, in front of me, of course, that it is me he wants, not her.Everyone wants to feel wanted.

I agree with what Lady said. I love my husband with all my heart. I have forgiven him for things in the past and I would forgive him for everything that he is doing now.

Ok well I don't love my stbx I have gone from hate to apathy the true opposite of love. I just want the succubus out of my life and I want to move on. I have wasted so much time with this beatch soulless, emotionless, dead inside, selfish person. I want to move on so bad but I can't because I still have the boat anchor that was my marriage. How can you love some one who has brought you so much pain, the only person to drag me into court in my entire life. I did the take her back thing promises that I would never have to go through this again. She asked me to come back last time and like a fool I said yes. People you wasting your time on the walking dead, they don't feel they don't care, they are all about themselves. Once a cheater always a cheater, the trust is gone and you will never get it back. For those of you who are pining of there ex or stbx its time to move on wake up smell the coffee and get on with your life, I can't wait to get on with mine.

I still love my husband more than anything and would give my all to get a second chance. I am not delusional nor am I in love with a dream. I love him, faults and digressions and all. The whole package. Noone is perfect, least of all me. Doesn't mean it can't be talked about and worked out. My husband and I are both reasonable, insightful and educated individuals and there is no good reason this can not be turned around into a healthy marriage OTHER than his having literally CONVINCED himself it's over, and having a premature midlife crisis.
That's why it's so hard to let go.

Alex I truly do hope you can save your marriage but the deck is stacked against you and I just think many here keep going on false hope and dreams that will never come to pass. I am more of a realist then ever and after what I have been through I just see a reconciliation as a band aid. When its over its over and if you can get to that conclusion with out more pain you are very lucky. I got left twice and taking the stbx was a big mistake for all of us. Stbx decided 10 years ago that our marriage was over and I think the last ten years were spent by her trying to convince her self she was wrong but eventually decided that was what she wanted.

Wick, academically I know it is false hope. BUt, until it is all said and done, and for as long as I have the love in my heart, there is always hope. Anything is possible. I know that statistically our chances are minimal. Even my counsellor says that there is nothing but a minimal chance here. I still hope to be the 1 out of 5 couples that reconciles. I am NOT strong enough yet to let go of that hope.

I really hate my stbxh in my mind. I think it just takes the heart, especially a broken one a lot longer to catch up to what is wrong and let go of the love.