
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Why do people still have feeling for cheaters

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What is it about a cheater and low down dirty, don't care who I hurt as long as my needs are met, that people keep caring about. I was cheated on but I forgave because I was scared and I had young kids that I thought deserved an intact family to grow up with. Why do people forgive people over and over, why do people take abuse and keep coming back for more. Is it all fear based or can you really keep loving a person after so much pain. I did that and I mentioned my reasons, but now I have nothing for contempt for the person who has broken my spirit and my heart twice in one life time.
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it isn't fear, it's a hope, it's wanting to know that no matter what, it's going to be ok, because of the love... it's the definition of unconditional. no kids, no guilt, just a desire to believe and be shown that people are good, that i wouldn't have gotten myself into this if not for a reason.
that said.... it feels like failure, like a realization that my trust was shit on... my "good human" qualities taken for granted.
like everything i ever valued is being shoved in my face and disproved. makes me question myself, i hate that part.
You don't still love the ex who cheated. you are in LOVE with the idea of being in LOVE with someone that doesn't exist! You love the idea of a warm person to talk to and grow old with, that shares your values, that wants the same things in life as you do. You are essentailly in love with an ILLUSION of what that person is. It isn't them, nor the perception you've had about them. Simply being they are rotten and don't deserve your love.
And not only do they throw you under the bus, but the kids too. Even the grown kids are shaken by a parent's adultery.
I finally got to the point where I don't love my ex anymore, and I really really dont want him in my life at all. But I still dont believe anyone will want me.
Just as Lane says it has nothing to do with fears in my case either. Call me hopelessly romantic, but it is love. I cannot explain all the hundreds of reasons why I am sure of this, not in a short forum post. All I can say is that I genuinely believe in not only my own feelings but in OUR love - believe it is special, powerful and someting that most people in the world would envy us if they knew. I try to convince myself that I dont care so much about our marriage anymore, but I do honestly believe that we one day will be that old couple that still kisses passionately and walks hand in hand, looking back on a stormy but good relationship.
Oh boy, am I going to get more well-meaning messages and good advice regarding this post! Alright all, bring it on. I know I'm stupid and setting myself up for more pain. Not going to change my mind this week, I WILL continue to do my best to get him back, preferably before this marriage is over.
don't think anyone will not want you. you have to want yourself and you'll find people in droves who'll want you. just be by yourself for a time and they will come. you have to also remember not to place your self worth on the value given to a relationship with a person who don't give a crap about you, your family their family, themselves. jut be thankful they left you when they did I say. gives you time to process and move on and when the next suitor or companion comes along you'll be the driver of that bus. just make sure you don't run over your ex, but pass them by on the freeway of love. as aretha says...
That's why it's so hard to let go.