I dated him for 3 years. We broke up in Jan of 2008 because he physically picked me up by my throat. I didn't talk to him for 3 months. We started talking again. HE said he changed. I could see some change in him. Those 3 months I had sexual relations with a girl. He told me he didn't have sex with anyone. He told me he was being honest and trustworthy. I felt as if I was taking a huge risk going back to him. I told myself that if he lied or hurt me again that was it. We started going back out but when I wanted to deal with what happened in January, he refused to go to counselling, saying he was better than it, it wouldn't help him. I then had a gut feeling he wasn't telling the truth about those 3 months. I finally pried out of him he had sex twice with his ex gf. He wasn't going to tell me b/c he said he felt so bad and knew how much it would hurt him, b/c this is the girl that potentially gave him HPV, which he gave to me. We had sex before he told me this, and I felt as if he were really irresponsible. I was angry, and I didn't want him anymore. He had unprotected sex with his ex gf and couldn't tell me what sexual relations he had, while I could come clean about mine. And I asked him several times if he had had sex with anyone, especially his ex. He came to apologize today. He also told me he is going for help, psychological help. He's also a cop. I think he needs the help. THe problem is, i always find I know how bad this guy is for me, I just always feel like there is no one else out there like him. the way I feel like I emotionally am attatched to him, even as fucked up as it is, I feel as if no one else in my life is that close to me or I will ever get that close to them again> i feel like because he's gone now for counselling that he's changing. Please how do I get over this guy? How do I get reality into my head? I know he is no good for me, but my heart always wants him. Is it my heart or just my lonliness. I need some help. I don't want to get hurt again. Physcially or mentally because I know I no longer deserve that. How do I deal with this break up bc in the past I would just keep busy, but I don't deal with it. I just forget about it and then in the future it pops up again. I'm going to counselling but I just feel I always need to fill this void. Am I crazy or normal for all of this? My friends just look at me like I'm an idiot for even wanting to go back with him. My friends just say I told ya so. I need to move on. I don't know how to do that.
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