I've been married for 23 years. My stbx is an alcoholic. Several years ago she got really drunk and hurt herself and stopped drinking for 2 years. Then she bought a business and a year later started drinking again. Her job is really stressful. About 2 years ago she started coming home saying she hated coming home. She felt the walls were closing in on her or she felt suffocated and would ask "is this all there is too life?" They were so unspecific I couldn't get any real answers but she got progressively unhappy. Then she started drinking more and more. In early 2008 she came home and announced she had slept with 2 men while on business trips and planned on seeing one of them again (he was 22 years old-a year older than our son) and she was leaving. The next day she changed her mind and said she wanted to stay and promised to stop seeing him and quit drinking. 5 months later she asked to have an "open relationship". When I refused she said she had reestablished contact with the guy and was leaving. She was gone for a couple days and chickened out and said she wanted to come home. I let her. We started marriage counseling. But she never seemed happy again. In late 2008 she admitted that she had been drinking since June. The drinking just got worse and worse. Then while on vacation in July I caught her texting in the bathroom of our hotel room (where we were staying with our daughter). We went outside where she informed me she had slept with the same guy again while on a business trip and wanted a divorce. For the past 2 years she has been impatient, manipulative, and mean to me. I have poured my heart and soul into saving this marriage and this is what I get. I've lost my self respect, identity, and dignity. She has been, now, patient and fair in the divorce but its to little to late. So my question is-why can't I just get mad at her and stop hurting?
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