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Who gets the friends?

deleted_user
deleted_user
OK, I know the friends that were hers before the marriage and mine are ours to keep. no brainer.
the married couple friends we met over teh years, she's seemed to lay claim to. although, I know on the surface they're all nice to her, but really can't stand her. they tell me in so many ways.
anyhow, some mutual "friends" of ours is having their annual halloween party on Sat. I was invited as was she.
I rsvp'd as I was going.
last night the EX asked me if I were going to "her" friends' party. I said, well, no, I am going to MY friends party. so I guess we'll see each other there. she said, what if I bring my boyfriend? I said, well, two weeks since the finality of our divorce and 12 years of being friends with these people, I think it'd be a wonderful idea. I hope you do meet him so I can formally introduce myself and tell him thank you for taking you away from me.
Nevertheless, I am now thinking absed on the ex commenting "they only invited you because they thought was too new not to".
Although I KNOW they probably didn't want to invite her but did, they clearly did not say anything bad to her about me. There probably are some but the ones hosting the party, I know are not in her corner like she thinks.
My question, should I put this totally behind me, abandon friends I've made throughout my marriage, solely because she doesn't want to see me be happy for some reason, or hang onto our friends we've had for all these years, that there are significant friendships here?
deleted_user
deleted_user
First I am going to be honest, I know you have hard feelings......but I think it is pretty crappy of them to invite her and then talk about her in so many ways. Yet, maybe for the most part, they like both of you.

I hope not one mutual friend is in anyone's corner really. I think that each mutual friend should be a friend to each one of you. I would not give up my friends, unless they are not really that important to you.
I do not think I could handle going to functions with my ex, but I am not at the same point as you. If you can handle it go for it. I wouldn't let her claim your friends, and put them in her corner. You may have already lost part of you when you married; why lose more through a divorce.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i wouldn't abandon any friends because of an ex. if you truly enjoy these people and want to go to the party go, ignore ex and boyfriend. go enjoy yourself. leave the past where it belongs now. make yourself a great today and future. have a good time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
When i left my H i had to leave behind friendships of 18 years also. I had to as i would have died in it, i tell yeah though, its been very sad and i grieve the loses of everyone, i hope you and your ex can work around all the friendships. People need people in order to servive. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would go to the party and HAVE a good time.. the more fun the more he will see you don't need his permission to have friends. IF they are not your friends, you will know. The best thing to do is not get into this he said she said stuff. Last time I left, our "friends" became his friends (not all of them!) and I was happy to never see them again when we reconciled... this time around, my friends will remain my friends and his will be his. Sadly, we didn't make too many mutual friends again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is in times like these when you find out who your friends are. It sounds like they want to remain friends with you - so why are there any questions?
deleted_user
deleted_user
If those friends are still willing to keep in touch with you and whatever, then why get rid of them for good? They are yours just as much as hers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think the answer to your question has been stated here in many ways...the friends are the ones who still want to be with you after the split. The ones who were not your friends will drop off on their own...Don't let go of the ones who still want to be friends with you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No, I wouldn't abandon the friends. I am sure there will be other occasions that you might have to be in the same room. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in the same place my STBX will be with the OW. His family is all I have, and I know one day, I will have to step aside and let his SO attend family gatherings with my kids there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just wanted to say, I got the courage to go to the party. I stayed until 11pm which was about the time I figured she'd have been there. Everyone was glad to see me, although I think a little shocked at first. One guy even asked where my wife was, I said, we're not married anymore. I was one of two single guy's at the party so that part was a bit awkward. When the party started bumping, I graciously said goodbye and split. I held my head in good class and left before drama could start. Turns out, the ex wife didnt even go! lol
Thanks for the advice everyone
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