Don't feel guilty. You know you did the right thing. It is much worse to hang onto someone and cripple both your lives.

I have felt that guilt in the past. I was the one who filed. He was the one who told me he didnt want to work on our marriage anymore. the hurt was more than I could handle by myself so I moved into a town near my mom, dad and sister.Guilty now, no, sad, yes.

I initiated. He walked out, wanted to stay and just sleep with her 2-3 nights a week and maybe weekends once in a while!

He left, but did not want to divorce just a settlement of our assets. Made me buy him out on the home. Didn't want the divorce, for tax and insurance reason is my guess. How's that?

never seen it coming, but i had to initiate. the wife left for someone else, with no intention of coming back. she was actually fine with us staying married anyway (WTF?) but i could not see the point in that. and yes, it still saddens me from time to time, but its pushing a year since she moved out, gotta move on sooner or later.

Hang in there... time (and faith) will help us heal

Not coping very well, but I think that will last for a while. I feel better now than I did a couple of months ago. Not near where I'd like to be. Would like to start dating but really not ready for that yet.

If you intiated, but tried to work on the marriage then do not feel guilty. If you intiated and did not go to counsling or try to work on the marriage then you deserve to rot in hell.

I verbalized it.

After much harassment and abuse from him.

He pushed.. and I just said one day; "let's just end this now".
Took him by surprise.. but that was it..
I let him file.. and do all the initial stuff.. and I paid thru my teeth for the divorce.
Got my freedom..and getting my life back slowly....best thing I could of done for me and my little girls.

I initiated the actual divorce. She
was/is working on the road and we were drifting apart. I was clear about her job not being the problem just her treatment of me. She deinied the distance between us meant anything called less and less, lied more and more.

I had brought up divorce because she did not really give the relationship a try. She thought being present in the relationship was enough. She thought doing things that I liked that made me feel appreciated were a struggle for her.

After years of lying and small attempts at trying she started to admit some of the things that were happening on the road. She created a new relationship and wanted to keep in contact with him and stay on the road. She said maybe a seperation would be sufficent and we just needed some time apart.

I said we live in 2 different states, barely talk and you have a boyfriend...we are already seperated! So I asked if she would contest a divorce and she said no.

I may have asked for it but her actions tell me it's what she wanted all along.

It's all still very fresh so sometimes I feel sad. I am confident I am dong the right thing and that a better life for me exists from the moment I realistically looked at her actions and not what she was saying.

I am coping by working on my dreams, therapy, DS, and working out. I try not to think about her and what she is doing and I keep remembering that I do not want a life with someone that selfish or inconsiderate. She thinks we may get back together one day but those are more empty words. Based on her actions I have told her we were over and I cannot continue with her so now I rebuild better and stronger.

I did, because I did not like tking a back seat to her vices! I was not repected and treated like dirt! I was so unhappy that I left. I did how ever try to go back and talk to her, but she had already made up her mind there was no going back. So far as to even call the cops on me. She made feel like a criminal. That was the last straw. Out I was and never looked back. No guilt because I tried. But you can only beat your head against a wall so much before you split you head open or knock yourself out!

So dont beat yourself up over it. Move on and enjoy your life.

I did. He chose to cheat and i refused to share. Plus we were just not a healthy match either. It was very toxic at times.

Oddly enough we are better now. Trying to build a healthy platonic relationship so that we can function as a parenting team to raise our sons.

Teach29 - harsh words from you, but I understand. Yes, we went to 3 different counselors. We separated in the house first,then bird nested (for the kids for 6 mos), then really separated and then it was a couple of months. I have gone back to counseling to make sense of it all. It's painful - that's why i'm here. I left, but it doesn't mean that I'm happy and at peace. It was the right thing though. Life will get better. I will move on and am trying. I'm a "glass is half-full" type of person and I know that glass is around here somewhere.

I have not initiated the divorce, but have definitely asked for a seperation. Hasn't happened yet, but I feel the guilt just from asking for it. Him refusing to let go makes things so much harder, but from the way things are going with a seperation its hard to tell if I would feel sad or just finally feel relieved when/if we reach that point.

Hi Cynthia....I initiated and feel sad often. Like, you I was in a toxic relationship, but we loved each other and still do. I can not have contact with my stbx or I will emotionally crumble. I don't feel guilty though, because I tried and tried and tried some more. The alcohol and drugs won and the whole thing nearly killed me. Funny thing is, this may have turned out to be his 'bottom' and he's had complete sobriety since the incident. I cope by coming here. I journal my thoughts almost every day in a private journal. that really helps.... sometimes I write about the bad times and it helps me remember that if he picks up a drink he's capable of anything. I'm thankful for stability and peace and not living with insanity. Take it a day at a time and try to make the most of each day. I think it is possible to love someone from a distance and move on with life on your own.

Eh, I didn't initiate (at first I TRIED to save the marriage...very much so) but after he left me in "limbo" for 6 mths and I started having health issues over it I basically told him to "shit or get off the pot" (basically lets work on getting back together and getting help or please let me know otherwise---a week later he called to let me know he had the divorce papers for me---hmm, guess it was an easy decision for him). I was coping OK until I received the papers, now I feel so rejected and hurt.