Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Where should I be at six months?

deleted_user
deleted_user
It's been six months since he said he wanted a divorce. It seems like yesterday. Since then it has been such an emotional roller coaster. I say that I'm trying to move one, but I'm scared that I'm not actually doing so. I still love him very much and miss him even though I really have few reasons to do so. In some ways he sends me signals that tell me he still really cares about me, then other times he makes it clear we are forver through. And the being friends thing seems nice, but beyond impossible. He hasn't filed anything, and I refuse to since he chose this course over counseling for us.
Lately every night I dream about him, and each time he breaks my heart. But in my dreams I go like psycho bitch on him. Maybe I'm not dealing enough with my anger so I am expressing it in my dreams. I don't know. One of my friends recently told me that I sound like I hate him. In some ways I do. Can I actually hate and love him at the same time?
Should I be this confused six months later? Does anyone have a suggestion on dealing with everything?
JudM
JudM
It seems like you are in limbo land. Six months in limbo land seems like alot of pain. How can you move forward when you are waiting for him to come back. I may be wrong, but thats what it sounds like. Of course it's okay to still have love feelings for him. I think alot of people here at ds have feelings for their stbx. I think maybe you should go to counseling to help you figure this all out. It sounds like you are in alot of pain and thats a hard place to be. I told my daughter for her to go even if her husband didn't. She says she looks forward to going to her counseling sessions. I have nightmares about my ex also where I go psycho nuts.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's okay to still be feeling confused. According to the 'experts' it takes 1-2 years to emotionally heal from a divorce.

It does sound like your unconscious is expressing a lot of anger at him - which is normal. Maybe you need to find some quiet moments and try to feel the anger while you are awake. I've been surprised at the feelings that have turned up in my dreams. I really think it is a way my mind has of trying to get me to see what I've been denying during the day.

Have you tried counseling for yourself? I've have found individual counseling to be a great source of help in getting through this process. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's different for everyone but at 6 months I was still having a hard time. I still wanted my husband back. Now, at 15 months, it is me filing for divorce. I don't want him back. I am through. He abandoned me and left. He doesn't want to file any papers because it makes him look like the bad guy. It is still day by day Tweety. It will get better. You will get to the point where you have had it. Your emotions are hindering your desicion making process. No one says they want a divorce when they don't really want one. I know that hurts but that is my experience.
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