I'm curious. Do you control the pain or does someone else?

i don't know the answer to your question, i'm only 4 months into this and just want to love and respect myself. change the things in my life that need to be worked on before i even consider antoher relationship. your a very beautiful woman, perhaps you should relax and just enjoy dating. i've heard so many times when your happy with yourself and your not looking someone comes along thats the right one. good luck

God, I hope that is not correct math 'cause for me that's 38/5 = 7 - I don't want 7 years of pain to recover from this! no way no how - My doctor told me it would take about a year and to just go with the highs and lows and I would survive. I bought a home today and found out my mammogram (had to have extra tests) was normal so I had a good day today to offset the bad weekend. I have to believe there is a light at the end of this.

I agree with #2. It sounds like you've learned from your mistakes, but now it is time to move on. The past is just that. There's more than one special person for each of us, and I feel you need to move your attention towards living in the present and looking towards the future!

I heard a month for each year- so 20 months is the most I'm giving this! I don't know that there is any real time line or formula but I do know if you are looking and comparing everyone to your ex it will never happen. Everyone says it happens when you are not looking. Just give up for awhile and focus on you. You are beautiful and MR> Better than ever will show up one day!

Here is an answer for you. I was married 10 years the 1st time. After that I didn't even really date for 1 1/2 years. Then I met someone, fell in love and we got married about 2 years later, that was 5 years ago, now here I am going through another divorce. I know you can fall in love again, but please don't do it because your lonley. I honestly beleive that that is why I fell so hard in love with my STBX. I will be very picky next time..... If there is a next time for me... not sure yet....lol

no matter how long it takes it hurts. i have been married 21 out of 44 years. i dont even know how to start again. I have 2 girls that is the worst pain. did not do anything wrong to be a part time father. not fair. i belive in love so it might happen just dont know when. being older (i mean not a youngster) the women and guys are more pickier + if kids are involved it is more to think about.

I hate your math--I was married for 23 years. Is it going to take me 4 1/2 years to get over it?

Look into yourself for recovery. Do your soul searching and learn all you can. When you share so much time together the pain is intense but if you seek to understand yourself and learn from this you will overcome it all.

I think that the recovery time is different for everyone. Some people are able to grieve and move on, while others just can't let go. Eventually you are going to have to see the light and move on. How can you still want something that has been over for 2 years now? Find happiness within yourself and with your family and friends. Don't spend your life waiting for that perfect man, because what if he never comes?

Well said Mary! I am almost 24 and I have been in two failed long term relationship already, and I feel so disillusioned esp that I was so sure that this time he was the one. It really struck me that people who have been married for over 20 yrs can still be 'broken', it sort of makes me dread going into another r/ship. I can't imagine what some of you are going through with divorces, I have done family law subjects at law school and I know it gets really ugly in court. Is there a perfect man or woman out there for each of us, the scary thought is even if you found them, will they always be perfect for you. I think many of us here really have to learn to face the reality that we must be happy on our own, we are perfectly happy individuals even without that "someone special" there.

Anewmenow I hope the next right guy for you will come when you least expect it.

I don't think their is a formula. I was married 21 yrs the first time and we had grown so far apart, the kids were my world. It took no time to get over him. Ok then #2 well he was my world and I don't know if I will ever get over him. We were together (engaged and married) 6 1/2 yrs. I think it has more to do with how much you love someone. I keep hearing you have to love yourself. I always thought I liked myself pretty good, just cared more for others. But I WANT a husband to share my life with. Until tonight, I wanted it to be the one that I sent packing 2 months ago. So now I am wondering if maybe I am co-dependant. Good luck hun. They say time heals all wounds.

bump

Anewmenow=> There is no time table as to how long it takes to get over a failed relationship. Everyone is different, and I am sorry to say that some people can grieve for a life time and never get over the pain. I have been seperated from my STBX for 4 months and I have received many good advice, I am still throwing a piti-party for me but you have to take things one day at a time. One of the things you will eventually realize is that you will never be able to replace your husband, as much as to try to find someone that is exactly like him it will never happen. It is important to find yourself and heal before you start trying to find a new relationship. After my seperation I rushed into a relationship trying to settle and I kept on talking about my STBX, and was constantly thinking about her, and feeling depressed that this other person noticed it and told me she did not want to be the rebound. Don't settle one of my friends who has gone through said they met someone who is a breath of fresh air from their previous relationship. Keep your headup and learn from your mistake from your previous marriage so that you don't repeat them in your next relationship.

Hope this helps... Be strong and one of the most beautiiful things that you have in your life is the love of your children they will keep you strong and motiivated. Time heals all wounds...

our personal benchmarks are set at our own experiences. i am going at things differently instead of having the same expectations about just about everything that i used to have...i have gone through a deconstructive period and i have built up from actually below fallen flat on my face, if that is at all possible. as a result, with no expectations at all, i have started to move on, the "pain" has succumbed to a point where i am not clouded and i actually smile; periodically. the past is the past - know that you are a good person, or do a personal repent upon whatever ills you have once had and move along if you can. we all are much too hard on ourselves and we only live once. live; karma will visit later.