Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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When do I give up and try to move on?

deleted_user
deleted_user
When do I give up hope? When do I try to move on and try to heal? How long should I put up with this before I break? (My situation has been going on since September 7th) I got this e-mail from my husband this morning:

"I'm sorry I don't have concrete answers for you. I'm sorry that this situation has come about. This was not by design. You can look at it as throwing it away, or you can try and look at it, no matter how it turns out as a collection of wonderful experiences....both good and bad, but experiences shared. I have much I need to attend to for myself. And believe me, I know that sounds selfish, but true. How can I be with someone when I haven't learned to be with myself? It's not a journey I can do with you, with , with anyone...put all that aside, I need to do things for myself, and of course at the same time try to provide the care and love I need for our daughter and you. It's not easy. It's not what either one of us signed up for, but it is where things are at."
deleted_user
deleted_user
i guess you just move on one day at a time and try to make it as amicable as you can. your going through a million different feelings. i would have been satisfied with that kind of e-mail from my ex, but his answer is walk away and don't look back. at least yours is giving you some answers. i know it does not stop the pain. we are all here for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think he pretty much said it all - "It is what it is". You might have heard that before. He doesn't sound like a horrible man; just a man who needs time to find himself. And that might be indefinitely or in the future with someone else. I say you have to be a little selfish too and focus on you right now. And your daughter of course. Just be the best mom you can be and find who you are outside of being a wife. Take it one day at a time. Good luck sweetie!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dear Serenity,
This is so much like what I was told 6 months ago. Trust me if you don't step back now and let him be, you will push him farther away. I wanted answers, he couldn't give them, so I pushed and I have made things much worse. We are now divorced, hardly speaking with an 8 year old son in between us. I know its hard but reach within yourself and try to step back. Focus on your daughter.
Hugs to you
deleted_user
deleted_user
He's not a horrible man. He's a wonderful man. That's what makes this so very hard. I don't know how to let him go.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is what I hear:

ME, ME, ME and ME.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have to agree w/ CVGL. I've just been through a similar situation w/ a bf and I woke up day before yesterday and it hit me like a brick. What he was telling me was excuses (I need space, mid-life crisis..my daughters...blah..blah...blah) to move on w/ his life w/out me. I believe if 2 people are committed to a relationship they should be "committed" that means work through anything and not make excuses to walk away. It hurt me a lot because I realized when the rubber met the road... "our" relationship was not very high up on the priority list. So now I'm taking care of me and letting him find whatever he's looking for out there that does not include an "us" in it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He also said that I have to be braced for the reality of a divorce.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Bracing for the reality of divorce is so much easier said than done. I guess I am still living in denial. I want my stbx to just wake up and realize that we are supposed to be together. I know that if he hasnt yet he is never going to so I know now that it is time to let it go. I have had a hard time accepting that this really happening to me. But I guess the sooner we both realize it the better off we will both be.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with CVGL. Its all about him! You say he's a good man, but a good man doesn't go back on his word, his comittment, his family!
deleted_user
deleted_user
And what sunshine333 said, really hit ME like a ton of bricks. She is right. It takes commitment to work through marital problems. He's not committed, or else he would be trying harder. He wouldn't be finding reasons to leave. Hard to accept.
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