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When did good memories become bad? Do the go back?

deleted_user
Little update on my life. Last night I stuck to my guns and didn't visit her. It was hard as hell but with help from friends (credit to those here who helped) i pulled it off.
Unfortunately today I think I dropped the ball. Shortly after I finished work today she asked me if I wanted to get a bite to eat with her. I couldn't help it I just went with it. we went to McD's nothing special, was going pretty friendly just small chat than she pulled this:
her "its nice we can hang out still, do you think this is better?"
me "do i think what is better?"
her "you know, not having to be there at my beck and call, being able to do what ever you want, not having to drive me everywhere(she totaled the car and lost her license 7mo ago) you know being separated"
me "do you honestly what to know that?"
her *nods*
me "of coarse not, I never said I had a problem with any of those things because I never really did, shure going out with friends not worrying that your home lonely and waiting but NO I don't think its better, its not better when I'm out having fun knowing that I'm coming home to nothing, its not better doing things we loved to do together without you, its not better turning over in bed to put my arm around the wife that ISN'T there!"
she just looked down and nodded and gave no feedback, just tried to get back into small chat. shortly after on the the way to her new place she asked me to stop in a while b4 her friends picked her up, I declined knowing that leaving would be even harder later than it was than.
Ok now that I'm done with that back to my original subject: I went out to the pub with some friends and something on the TV instantly reminded me of her, brought me down real hard. stuck around for a little bit for friendly sake than excused myself with the long day at work line.
When I got home I started packing, nearly every thing I put in a box brought up some memory, One that was once beautiful and great but now just leaves me in agony. Tryed to distract myself with some TV and every damn thing I watched did the same thing.
Since when did good memories Hurt so damn much? do they ever go back to happy ones agian? I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking back and wanting to cry.
srry wasn't as little of an update as i thought
Unfortunately today I think I dropped the ball. Shortly after I finished work today she asked me if I wanted to get a bite to eat with her. I couldn't help it I just went with it. we went to McD's nothing special, was going pretty friendly just small chat than she pulled this:
her "its nice we can hang out still, do you think this is better?"
me "do i think what is better?"
her "you know, not having to be there at my beck and call, being able to do what ever you want, not having to drive me everywhere(she totaled the car and lost her license 7mo ago) you know being separated"
me "do you honestly what to know that?"
her *nods*
me "of coarse not, I never said I had a problem with any of those things because I never really did, shure going out with friends not worrying that your home lonely and waiting but NO I don't think its better, its not better when I'm out having fun knowing that I'm coming home to nothing, its not better doing things we loved to do together without you, its not better turning over in bed to put my arm around the wife that ISN'T there!"
she just looked down and nodded and gave no feedback, just tried to get back into small chat. shortly after on the the way to her new place she asked me to stop in a while b4 her friends picked her up, I declined knowing that leaving would be even harder later than it was than.
Ok now that I'm done with that back to my original subject: I went out to the pub with some friends and something on the TV instantly reminded me of her, brought me down real hard. stuck around for a little bit for friendly sake than excused myself with the long day at work line.
When I got home I started packing, nearly every thing I put in a box brought up some memory, One that was once beautiful and great but now just leaves me in agony. Tryed to distract myself with some TV and every damn thing I watched did the same thing.
Since when did good memories Hurt so damn much? do they ever go back to happy ones agian? I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking back and wanting to cry.
srry wasn't as little of an update as i thought
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You will find happiness again. I know it sucks now but, I think you will find someone to make you very happy. You definately deserve it!!
Lots of hugs,
Lisa
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