
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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i posted the first time yesterday on my situation. In a nut shell i have been married for 11.5 years - 2 kids and thought we had the perfect marriage. Wife wants to leave now because she is not attracted to me anymore. So my next question is, should i beg her to stay or play along with her and act like her decision is the right one. I have begged,cried and told her how i felt but it doesnt seem to get her attention. Maybe if i went along with her idea of divorce she may change her mind once she figures out what she is giving up........what are your thoughts?????
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She has gained advice and listening to foolish opinions of all her newly divorced girlfriends, her attorney, her boyfriend, her mother, her single sister...be the world's best dad and go through routine, mundane household chores as if nothing is wrong, while keeping your distance.
DO NOT KISS/ TOUCH HER AFFECTIONATELY; IT DOES NOT MATTER IN THE LAW'S EYES THAT YOU ARE MARRIED FOR 12 YEARS AND IN YOUR OWN HOME. YOU WILL SPEND A NIGHT IN JAIL...I DID.
I have always said - "If someone doesn't want me, I am not going to beg" so after 25 years of being with this jerk, he decides he doesn't want me then thats ok - yea, it hurts, I have cried alot, don't know what tomorrow brings anymore, but I am done and I still will not beg
Tell her want to attend counselling with her and try to get the communication going in the relationship.
Leave it at that and see how she responds. Then speak to your family doctor about a good fit for a Family/Couples counsellor.
You need to have clarification about what not attracted to you means. Do not confront her about that... go to counselling and have all those questions, statements explored.
Now.. that said.. She just may of found someone else that she is attracted to.. and she may not want to go to counselling.. you have to brace yourself for that fact.
Ask her to attend counselling.. take it one step at a time.. and all the best to you .
Space is not good. The more space they get.. the more they explore and wander away from the relationship. Counselling. then go from there.. maybe you have to let go and move on with your own life.
If he doesn't want me anymore, I'm not going to beg. I deserve to be with someone who does want to be with me.
Give your wife space. If she wants to reconcile, great. If not, it isn't meant to be.
Good luck
Please take Rob's advice here.
Your emotions, while completely normal and to be expected (and I'm sorry for your hurt) are more than likely giving her a kick.
Do not remain under her thumb. She will press and you will fall apart. This is what she wants, as she is more than likely emotionally unattached from you, and may have already been for longer than you are aware.
Beware of this woman. Give her nothing. Absolutely NOTHING to hang you with in court.
Please believe me when I say I'm sorry. I know these responses probably sound harsh and scary, especially since you have just been hit with the word "divorce". We tend to go by our own personal experiences when trying to help. Though not every person's situation is the same, there are trends, and the ones that prove to be the most damaging are the ones pointed out like red hot bombs.
We're here to listen, and give the best advice we can. Along with alot of hugs.
You could suggest to her that you would like to at least try marriage counseling with her for a while, and see what kind of a response you get.
No, the suggestions of counseling are the best, as is, I think, point blank quesitoning. ASk her to be specific about what has changed that makes you now unattractive. Make her give you specific answers, and what you may find is that she cant. She is using the unattractive card as an excuse for her own general feelings of apathy and boredom. She may discover the problem is her feeling as if she is n a rut. Still a problem, but a problem that she has to assume a bulk of the responsibility. What she is doing now, telling you you are unattractive is pplacing the responsibility / blame for the situtaiton on you. She's blaming you for her feelings and that is not right.
Best way to win here back is,
a) get a new haircut
b) invest in a new wardrobe
c) act happy even if it kills you.
d) split the time with her about the kids, go out , even it you end up going out to the library or just for coffee
This is drive her nuts if she sees you investing time and money in yourself and moving on... you body language will tell her that you value yourself and am confident enough to attract others..
if there is a chance she will come back , otherwise,, you are well on your way to recovery.. fake it until it is real ( act happy go lucky)... best of luck.. so sorry for your pain.
If it doesn't work on her, you'll be in a good place to be attractive to others.
She should have discussed this with you a LONG time ago: communication.