Dude, stay clear from her...act indifferently...nonchalantly...keep up your routines w/ kids, work, chores but steer clear of her..."business converation only"...no begging, pleading, rationalizing, arguing, yelling, etc ...cool as a cucumber... she will gain strength from this...do NOT abandon the house, but more importantly, do not try to kiss her, make love to her, etc as she can and will HAVE YOU ARRESTED to get you out of the house and from kids... TRUST ME.

She has gained advice and listening to foolish opinions of all her newly divorced girlfriends, her attorney, her boyfriend, her mother, her single sister...be the world's best dad and go through routine, mundane household chores as if nothing is wrong, while keeping your distance.

DO NOT KISS/ TOUCH HER AFFECTIONATELY; IT DOES NOT MATTER IN THE LAW'S EYES THAT YOU ARE MARRIED FOR 12 YEARS AND IN YOUR OWN HOME. YOU WILL SPEND A NIGHT IN JAIL...I DID.

begging doesn't work--I've tried it as has many other members of the site. My advice is to let her go, work on you, and if it was meant to be, she'll come back.

I would just give her space. Do not beg plead or cry for her to change her mind. That will only push her farther away.

as much as it hurts, don't beg.
I have always said - "If someone doesn't want me, I am not going to beg" so after 25 years of being with this jerk, he decides he doesn't want me then thats ok - yea, it hurts, I have cried alot, don't know what tomorrow brings anymore, but I am done and I still will not beg

Counselling.

Tell her want to attend counselling with her and try to get the communication going in the relationship.

Leave it at that and see how she responds. Then speak to your family doctor about a good fit for a Family/Couples counsellor.

You need to have clarification about what not attracted to you means. Do not confront her about that... go to counselling and have all those questions, statements explored.

Now.. that said.. She just may of found someone else that she is attracted to.. and she may not want to go to counselling.. you have to brace yourself for that fact.

Ask her to attend counselling.. take it one step at a time.. and all the best to you .

My thinking on space is.. a good way to give them a reason to have an affair.. or to continue their affair.

Space is not good. The more space they get.. the more they explore and wander away from the relationship. Counselling. then go from there.. maybe you have to let go and move on with your own life.

My reaction was exactly the same as 1stepaday.

If he doesn't want me anymore, I'm not going to beg. I deserve to be with someone who does want to be with me.

Give your wife space. If she wants to reconcile, great. If not, it isn't meant to be.

Good luck

Apparently she finds someone else attractive then. How mean to say what she did.

Please take Rob's advice here.
Your emotions, while completely normal and to be expected (and I'm sorry for your hurt) are more than likely giving her a kick.

Do not remain under her thumb. She will press and you will fall apart. This is what she wants, as she is more than likely emotionally unattached from you, and may have already been for longer than you are aware.

Beware of this woman. Give her nothing. Absolutely NOTHING to hang you with in court.

Please believe me when I say I'm sorry. I know these responses probably sound harsh and scary, especially since you have just been hit with the word "divorce". We tend to go by our own personal experiences when trying to help. Though not every person's situation is the same, there are trends, and the ones that prove to be the most damaging are the ones pointed out like red hot bombs.

We're here to listen, and give the best advice we can. Along with alot of hugs.

do not beg stay away. I hate to tell you this but you are in for a rough ride. I just went through this. Try and talk her into a marrige counsellor. Try and work it out. I gave up and know we are separated. my situation was out of control. I did all the wrong things. I lashed out and tryed to hurt her as much as she was hurting me and all I did was make it worse. You have to control your emotions and be willing to let her go. If she really loves you she will come back. try and see a counsellor but there may be more too it than you know. I messed up and know my world is messed up. do not make the same mistake I made try and keep a cool head and do not give her reasons to call it quits. If that is what you want do everything you can to try and work it out. Give her space and work with a counsellor maybe you can work it out.

First of all, remain calm as much as you can. When I hear this kind of thing the first thing I ask is "did you used to fight?" -- because strangely enough, the best marriages seem to be those where both parties can argue well. Those who held it in and appeared to agree all the time wound up storing resentment and finally just deciding they'd had enough. If this is the case, marriage counseling can help.
You could suggest to her that you would like to at least try marriage counseling with her for a while, and see what kind of a response you get.

Neither of your options will work. First, begging her to stay will only empower her and make her feel as if her decision is the correct one, and remember as you said the REASON behind the divorce is that she now finds you unattrative. Begging will only make you the more unattractive. Second, you can't act like her decision is the right one, that would be like saying, "you know what, I am not worthy of your attraction."

No, the suggestions of counseling are the best, as is, I think, point blank quesitoning. ASk her to be specific about what has changed that makes you now unattractive. Make her give you specific answers, and what you may find is that she cant. She is using the unattractive card as an excuse for her own general feelings of apathy and boredom. She may discover the problem is her feeling as if she is n a rut. Still a problem, but a problem that she has to assume a bulk of the responsibility. What she is doing now, telling you you are unattractive is pplacing the responsibility / blame for the situtaiton on you. She's blaming you for her feelings and that is not right.

If begging worked,none of us would be getting a divorce so forget that one..

Best way to win here back is,
a) get a new haircut
b) invest in a new wardrobe
c) act happy even if it kills you.
d) split the time with her about the kids, go out , even it you end up going out to the library or just for coffee

This is drive her nuts if she sees you investing time and money in yourself and moving on... you body language will tell her that you value yourself and am confident enough to attract others..

if there is a chance she will come back , otherwise,, you are well on your way to recovery.. fake it until it is real ( act happy go lucky)... best of luck.. so sorry for your pain.

I agree with mycherub. If attraction is the problem, get attractive. Perfect grooming, clothes, get in shape. Remain aloof until and unless she shows interest.

If it doesn't work on her, you'll be in a good place to be attractive to others.

She should have discussed this with you a LONG time ago: communication.

Do you think you two would consider a Marriage Encounter Weekend? It might help you "re-kindle" what you felt about each other in the beginning. If you feel like you still love each other, sometimes the stress of working, raising kids, not having enough time for just the two of you can bring up all kinds of feelings that don't necessarily have to mean your relationship is over or that you really want a divorce. Just a thought...

she says she has felt this way from day 1. thats the part i dont understand and this that it is BS. how do you spend 14 years together and feel this way? how did we ever even get together if this is true. that and if you didnt read my original post i am also going through cancer treatment. she has always been there for me until now......very confused