Uh.

No idea.

But

Don't YOU live with your mom and dad now?

GO ASK YOUR MOTHER! she should have the best advice for you ;)

My son was 12 when this happened to us and his sis was 20. Good luck trying to ride the fence. Don't know how you can leave 4 under 6.

I guess you could go ask my husband. He seems to not be having a problem with leaving. anyway my mom went through the same stuff with my dad. I guess they are what gives me so much hope in my husband. I don't know if even she knows the answer to this question.

it's a real stumper, eh? Well... what's DAD going to tell? Have your oldest ask his Dad what's going on.

Or maybe not. I don't know. Reality Rules, so I vote for No False Hope.

Tell your kids the truth. In age appropriate terms. I don't know your whole story but when my kids, 12,11 and 7 found out they said things too. My 7 yo said that it wasn't very nice of dad to do that (he left for OW too). I just simply said, no it wasn't. Are you hoping to get back with you husband? That can change what you tell them as well. Good luck, Beth

You know your son best so it's hard for me to recommend something specific for you to say to him. If it were me, I might tell him something like, he was not the reason mommy and daddy got married, and he is also not the reason you're not together right now. There is nothing he can do to get you together because it is not his fault daddy left - it's very important that he understand that. Tell him that you imagine this is very hard for him and that no matter what happens, the two of you will always be his mommy and daddy. Tell him you're not sure that it will be like the "good old days" again and that you understand that change is hard - it's hard for all of you - but that again, you love him and are there for him no matter what happens.

When it comes to talking to the kids, I think it's very important to keep it simple and at their level - give only the information that they need. Reassure them they are loved and that they are not to blame for what happened. That it's between the adults and even though it may seem unfait, they can't do anything to fix it. And above all, never speak poorly about the other parent to the child. Hope something in all that rambling helps - I'll be thinking of you...

I would never say anything bad about my husband to the kids. After all he is their dad. I certainly still want to be with my husband and its hard for me not to give my kids the hope that I have but in the same respect I don't want to dash that hope completely. My son has said that daddy is being selfish. I don't really know what to say when he says that. I just basically tell him that Daddy loves you guys very much and that will never change. when he doesn't come visit I just tell the kids that he must be working. Its just so hard dealing with their questions when I don't have the answers.

I think its one of the hardest things about a split/divorce. In any war, the innocent always seem to be hurt the worst. With my daughter, as we are incredibly close, it was actions, not words that helped. Words to a 6 year old mean almost nothing. The hugging, cuddling, and answering HER questions e.g. "Daddy will we still go on backpacking trips and bicycle riding?" with pure reassurance that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING will change helped ease her mind. Even though Mommy and Daddy will not live together, not much else will change as far as she is concerned. The first time my wife took off, trying to explain it to a four-year old was simply impossible and way too complicated. Again, I used actions more than words as it seemed to work quite well.

hmmm.. my youngest asked the most questions... she was 5.5 - 6 at the time...

I did what you have done.. reassured the children that you are there for them.. and that you and dad will always love them.

you do not know what is going to happen with the relationship and if dad will be coming back at this time.

that is dad's decision.

only so much you need to tell them as you are as unsure of the future as they are. Age approriate is important.. they do not need to know ugly details.

make sure they know that they have a home and you are there for them and they can come and talk to you. Plenty of hugs help to.

I would have to agree with the idea of just telling the kids the truth on their level Also, reassure them that they will always be loved and cannot be blamed for the divorce.

Thanks for the help. The biggest thing I tell my kids is that I love them and I will always be here for them. I also tell them that I can't speak for anyone else but that they can always count on me. My children are my life and I feel so bad for them and I feel like I have let them down in some way. I just wish I could make this all better for them.

i was too blunt and should of just said that mom and dad love them and just want to be friends now. i said daddy doesnt love mommy anymore. he loves them but left and doesnt love mommy. i think that was wrong. they shouldnt know that love can come and go. hope isnt great so just saying that daddy has a new home and is happy which is good and 'we are happy living here. just an idea. there are books just about this. maybe some articles on the internet to give choices. sorry i cant be more help.

Just tell him things in kid talk. When he says he will do what he can will tell him it is out of his hands. Tell him sometimes when he falls down and hurts himself you wish you could take the pain away....but you can't. Tell him that when he falls down you know that things just happen and it is not your fault. So then tell him that you hope he knows that it is not his fault that this happened. Always reassure him that it is not his fault. Constantly do this . Kids usually blame themselves. Talk to him kid talk. Tell him that you guys are going to be fine. Try to keep your son's routine and normal as possible. Invite friends over to play, and tell him taht yall are still going to have good times together. Stuff like that. You don't have to use the falling down scenario......but use something he can relate to.

I think your last post eally says it all. I would let my kids know that I love them and taht love would never change bc they are part of me. They are also half their Dad, so ive alwyas promised myself no DAd bashing. He has always beena good fther, just not a great husband:( Good luck I dont look forward to that conversation

It's been two years for me now, and to be truthful, I don't remember what was said to the kids (4 and 6 at the time). I just know that the stbx did all the talking. I was doing my best to not break down and cry. The break-up was a decision of my stbx. I do remember that there were a lot of reassurances that "mommy and daddy love you both very much and always will".

As I said, it's been two years now, and the occasionally Lindsay (now 6) and Jeremy (now 8) will say things like "mommy why don't you kiss daddy" or vice versa. It doesn't happen often, but occasionally.

I guess a question I expect to get at some point in the future will be "whose decision was it to break up". I can tell you, I know how I'd like to answer that question. But I probably won't.