Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

9,920 Members
99,256 Posts
5 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

What to do now that i'm pregnant?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband and I tried for over a year to get pregnant, but we never could. We have been separated for almost a month now. He lives with his girlfriend. Friday I found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant. He says it's a sign from GOD that we are meant to be together. He says he wants to be a family. He is a wonderful father. He has a son with his ex. He loves kids more than anything. When we decided to start trying over a year ago he said that once I got pregnant he would stop smoking. Well he called me today to tell me he has only had one cigarette. He's just so excited. But on the other hand i don't understand why he's still with her if he says he wants a family. He tells me that he is moving out this weekend. I ask why wait, but i already know that answer. He has somethings he needs to take care of first. I just don't want to give my hopes up, but i also don't want to ignore it if it is a sign from GOD. Because we quit trying about 5 months ago. What to do??? Help
deleted_user
deleted_user
If there were no baby, would he be coming back? If not, then is a baby a good enough reason? God forbid, but what if something happens and there isn't a baby? What then? I truly don't mean to rain on your parade. I am happy that you are finally getting the baby you want so badly. I just don't want you to get hurt any more.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with Becky! A child isn't enough to hold a marriage together. You are in a really tough posotion. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with Becky too. I know it is exciting to know there is a baby on the way, and maybe that will be the glue that bonds you, but if you are having rough times now, things will only get more stressful. I remeber thinking having a baby would solve everything, and it infact just complicated it all. I love my kids-all 3, more than life itself, but have had so many hard times financially and mentally because being a parent is not as easy as it looks.
In any case, I would look into Child support. I don't think you can actually get money until the baby is here, but at least you will know what you need to do when the time comes. And I would continue the process after the baby is here, regardless if he is there or not,,,,at least until you are for sure he isn't going anywhere. My sister and I both had to learn the hard way, that cancelling the child support early was a big no no. Good luck & keep us posted.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I believe if you have a great relationship then having a baby bonds you more, on the other side having a rocky relationship can rip you apart so easy.
deleted_user
deleted_user
girllll my husband and i split up about a year ago and had gotten back together... a month later i was pregnant... and everything was fine... until a month ago when he cheated on me and moved in with the girl... now im going to deliver this baby any day now and having to deal with this. if your marriage wasnt great in the first place... i would seriously consider not being with him. you dont want to have a baby with a relationship thats no good between you two. it's not healthy for the baby or you. and just like becky said... would he be coming back if there was no baby?

but thats just my two cents. please think it through. you dont want to get hurt anymore.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is a very difficult situation and I truly feel for you. Like the others have said would he be coming back if there was no baby, but on the other hand do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering if it would have worked? Maybe you owe it to yourself and this baby to try?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree Megs. Imnot, you have a long time before that baby is born to try to work on your marriage. I understand what the others are saying and I agree to a point. But only you can decide if you want to give your marriage another shot. Only you really know why he left in the first place and what it would take to fix your marriage. I wish you all the best. God bless you and the wee one.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah my husband wanted to have a baby and we tried and finally got pregnant. Now I have a 4 month old son to raise on my own. I wouldn't be going through this, but he wanted to have *another* baby, so we tried and I got pregnant, but I lost it. Don't count on him staying just because you have a baby. I'm going through it right now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi. I'm new here, but I have to agree with the other ladies. Yes, I would let him see the baby when he/she's born, but I would do some serious counselling before considering getting back together. Yes, it'll be hard to raise a baby alone, but hopefully you'll find someone to help you. Believe me, my mom suffered serious physical/emotional abuse trying to make our family work for 3 years, but she says it was the best thing she could've done kicking my dad out when I was 2 1/2.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If it weren't for the fact that he is living with his girlfriend, I MIGHT agree with giving the relationship a go again. However, he IS with his girlfriend. If he really wanted to be with you, wouldn't he be there NOW? AND the fact that he has a son with his "ex" is a sign that he doesnt care WHO he has kids with! What would happen if his new GF was pregnant? THERE's a thought!

I am sorry you are going through this, emotions play us something terrible. If I were to take a strickly practicle approach, I would NOT get back with him! Looking at his history and seeing that it is repeating itself. Also, he will probably continue to sweet talk you.
That is just a warning. I am not a profit to be sure, but I see more heart break in the long run if you get back with him!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I realize that having a baby on your own can be a very scary thing. No matter how much you want one. Do not let those fears rule your decisions. Try,try,try, to imagine if there was no baby! Would he be coming back? Would you want him back?

If you and your relationship are not enough for him now what gives him any insentive to stay the next time things get rough?

These are things you have to consider.

The only baby that was a sign from god was born a long time ago! A blessing from god certainly, but a sign.....not too likely!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think its not fair to a child to be born with a job, that job being help mom and dad stay together. I also agree with what everyone else said about if it was hard before havin a child will make it harder.
I am the type of person if you dont want to be with me, then dont do me any friggin favors. Its not my job to entice anyone to be with me.
If you have a strong support system like family or friends I would seriously keep in touch with them as you are going to need all the help you can get.
I wish you and the baby well....
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • joannklingaman

    Grief

    Posted by: joannklingaman
    Last Reply: MrsMorris
    9
    A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
  • ainteasybeineazy

    It's my Birthday and no one cares

    Posted by: ainteasybeineazy
    Last Reply: R_ashwin
    58
    Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...