Hello,

I'm new here. I'm glad I found this website because I've already found it encouraging. There is so much support here and I also enjoy the humor too:) I need to get to work but I'm starting to have such a hard time with everything. I haven't really opened up or talked to anyone. My husband says that things are not going to improve between us but yet he resists divorce. He did agree to go to counseling and we have gone to 2 sessions. I dread going back. My husband acted so calm and rational and I cried and felt like an idiot. I think the counselor feels he's the more rational one at this point and I don't think I've gotten the chance to really speak up. She and my husband both think my anxiety is too much of an issue at this point. I know that I'm an anxious person and I did agree to go see a pschiatrist.

My husband is the one who feels unhappy and says that he doesn't see things improving. He says he won't divorce me though because he "owes" me. He says that I've been very good to him, very supportive. I just drive him crazy because I worry and get anxious and nervous about everything and he's tired of it. I put him through school and his income is now 3x that of mine. I guess that's why he feels guilty and feels like he "owes" me.

It's getting to be hell living in this house with him. He is very polite to me and technically he doesn't do anything wrong but he's soooooo cold. Every now and then he will be a little warmer - usually when I tell him I've had enough and why don't we just call it quits. He says he's still attracted to me but it's my "mind" that drives him crazy. Intimacy is an issue and that's another thing that bothers him. There has been no romance or anything closely resembling it for as long as I can remember and I just don't feel passionate right now. I have definitely tried but he says it only lasts a few days or a week and he's still unsatisfied.

I have a 19 year old daughter who left home a year ago - before finishing high school. She dropped out of school and has drug issues. She is now in another state with her biological father. It's a long, heartbreaking story and I was a mess for a few months when she first left. I tried desperately to keep in touch with her and somehow hold onto some kind of relationship but she barely calls. I've learned to back off and accept the situation at this point but I was depressed for a long time. My husband used to feel that I was a very strong person - I had her young, put myself through college as a single mom with no help from anyone. Over this past year I haven't felt as strong as usual and I leaned on him a lot. I panicked when he said things basically couldn't be repaired between us and I think he was disgusted by that show of weakness.

I've really stuck it out with my husband. Despite all my issues I think I could have been a lot worse. I suppose that's why he feels he "owes" me. He went through a party phase about 3 years ago and was out drinking with friends almost every night. This went on for a year. He didn't stop this and straighten up until I finally said enough is enough and was half way out the door.

After all this, I find myself feeling rejected and lonely. About 4 days ago, I embarassed him at a furniture store. I blurted out the wrong thing to the sales rep and then I started my anxious thing that bothers him. He got really angry. I apologized. It's never enough. I am still being punished.

I've HAD ENOUGH. I've tried and tried. If I tell him I want to leave, he'll try to make me stay. I think I should go to an attorney and move on. Why do I keep staying and trying?