honestly i feel i'm insane, i'm such a confusing person i get my self confused over and over. some of you know my situation, but to make a long story short, i've been married for 15yrs. recently moved out of my home, into an apt. that didn't last but one night, because the next day i attempted suicide, which was stupid, now i'm at my parents home. and all my plans and thoughts, are all messed up. i did some very wrong things in my marriage, and so did he, but i feel i did more harm, now my mind is saying i should go back, because that's the "right thing to do" because he's my husband, we are are married, and if i do what i really want to do, i will mess things up, financially and morally even more. but i'm not sure, if i really love my husband, or if it's my comfort zone talking, some things are better not said, and if he knew what i did i would literally kill him slowly, inside, i tell you i'm crazy, god knows my most intimate thoughts, so to him i can't lie, but what do i do? i've met someone else that i've been talking to for the last few yrs. you can't love two at the same time, i'm so confused, and afraid to make a mistake, i think i'm literally crazy and i let other people run my life, because i'm just a freakin coward who wont stand up for what she wants, like my parents, telling me what to do, and when i was with my husband i would do mostly what he wanted, until i started speaking for myself, that's when things starting changing for the bad. my parent's think this is just a temporarily separation, but i don't know. i haven't filed for divorce or anything, and yes he treated me bad in the past where he raped me over and over, got to the point were he slaped me, kicked me off the the bed, treatened me that i would live with him as long as he wanted he stoped, but he's become more controlling in other ways. i cheated on him, nothing justifies any of my actions. i'm guilty and i take responsibility for what i did, i feel like i want to give this other guy a chance, and give myself a chance with him, but what about my husband. we are both equally guilty in a way. what do i do???? someone with advice, greatly appreciated. thanks
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