Is this guy originally from South Africa, too?

It's extremely hard for two people to work on their relationship with a third party involved.

Get the book "His Needs, Her Needs: surviving an affair". This book will give you the tools you need to survive what you are going through. Great book. Just ask 4Boo.

It deals with exactly this type of situation.

Good luck. I hope for the best. What ever that may be.

My 2 cents is to lawyer up and be ready for the worst and hope for the best.This gives you a chance to work on yourself.Are you in therapy? It will help to talk things out with a counselor.Best wishes(((((hugs))))

no he's from egypt she met him when we were on holiday there last July, for our anniversary. she's flying him to SA from Egypt

KE -

Doesn't look good. I agree with Deb.


Lynne

That is REALLY creepy. If she is flying down someone she had an affair with to be with them then I would say that is the writing on the wall.

No one deserves to be treated this way. I realize that you love her but she doesn't love you if she is acting like this and it takes two people to make a marriage work.

Protect yourself. It is hard to go through this but you can survive this and come out better off in the end.

A poisonness marriage poisons your entire life, including your health. Take care of #1 so you don't get tossed into #2.

It sounds more like a vacation with the OM.

If she's flying her OM to be with her, she isn't really giving any thought to the marriage. None!

I'm sorry, but I feel if she were REALLY committed to taking some space and time to think about things pertaining to your marriage, she wouldn't be planning on spending that time with another man. Seems rather counter productive to me.

thanks for all your commets. You're all telling me what my friends have said and deep down I know to be true. I still can't break out though and finish this relationship. I still love her even though she is still putting the knife into me.
After 10 years together how do i cope without her???? The thought of not being with her hurts so much

KE; sorry to hear about what's happening! The fact that she's flying someone out to SA to be with her is not a good sign. She may not be wanting the marriage anyway......time for therapy....and visits with lawyers....I agree with Deb.....

You may want to really take a hard look at a lawyer that knows several laws; U.S, state, and International laws (since SA is involved).

I'm so sorry, but I agree with the others. She's not really working on your relationship if she is vacationing with another man.

I think you have to accept that your marriage is over. Time to lawyer up.

Hugs.

I am sorry for saying it this way.. but,

You know she is taking the other man with her? did she tell you or did you find out on your own? either way.. she isnt hiding it..

I understand loving someone, but with love comes respect.. for eachother and vows you both took... she is demonstrating she has no respect for either..

Why would you want someone who has so little regard for your feelings back at all? Just knowing they are spending the next 5 weeks together.. and after that you actually want her to come back and be with you? She is tainted now.. its no longer just the two of you "til death do you part".. its the two of you and Egypt man.. and whoever else may eventually come in the picture.. Rarely do you hear about just one affair, most people here can tell you, you forgive one and years later find out about 10 more.

You deserve so much more than that... Get a lawyer, and when she gets off the plane, as a welcome home gift, have her served with the divorce papers . you do not deserve this at all...

(((HUGS))) and good luck!

i wish i could say something encouraging here, but... how can she have her space and think about the marriage when she is with someone else. and then she is flying him there. i'm sorry for your pain. it should be the two of you going to get away from everyone and spend time together alone. remember, you don't have to make any decisions right away.

Hey! I'm in South Africa! Should I hunt her down and run her over? (kidding)

Seriously, do you really want to be with someone who is so blatantly rubbing your nose in her affair? It would seem she's made the choice for you.

If anything, I think go see a lawyer just to know what the next step is, you don't have to actually file, but just get legal wise.

sorry... I know how it feels when the person you love runs off with someone else.

Her heart isnt in the same place as yours. Sorry .....and it's sad. But you can cope without her. You may not see it now.....but you can and will.