Having my husband take my daughter to the other woman's home, we are not divorced, he has had an affair with this woman but says they are just friends. He has lied to me too many times about her, I don't want my daughter to have to deal with this. I was all it took, he knows how hurtful this is to me.

We separated when my son was 3 and he purposely set it up so I wasn't at my son's 4th birthday party but the person he was seeing was there, of course he was having an affair because he accused me of having one first! We reconciled and tried to make things work but once again I want out! Again, when I write this, it sounds so pathetic and I know that I just need to go. Maybe in some demented way I think that if I stay I can control what my son is exposed to but sadly, I'm SLOWLY am starting to see that I'm exposing him to being dysfunctional myself :(

Take the next step. Don't worry about the kids, you will always be mom and he will always be dad. That is not a reason to stay in a unhappy place. Take care of you first, be happy and that will show in your relationship with the kids. Yes, that step is a scary one, but it is one that has to betaken or you will be misarable for as long as you stay.

It's something that just happens--we had danced w/the idea of divorce at least a year b4 I actually took the initiative. He would never do it b/c he says and will still say that he did not want the divorce. I really think that he thought I would never do it. Well, I did. When I told him I wanted a divorce, I was already over the marrige, over him actually. This had been brewing for a few years. When my daughter was born is when things started to change for me and it took me quite awhile to get the guts to do it. It was scary as hell!! I was stay at home mom and had to get a job and figure out where to live and all that shit. It wasn't easy but I survived. Don't stay for your kids sake. Your son deserves to see you happy. I know my kids see a difference in me--as hard as it was, it was worth it in the end.

There was a point when a light switch flipped....and it was crystal clear that a life without stbx was far brighter than a life with her.

I guess it was the old "NOBODY'S worth this BS" moment.

It would be healthier for your son to see you and his father happy than the 2 of you together unhappy. Kids can sense that and it is not healthy for them to be around misery.

I understand what you are going through...I spent YEARS with a man who I knew was toxic for me...but I always believed things could be changed for the better for us both. I kept getting close to that final "last straw", but nothing ever really made the huge impact in my mind that I needed to say "ENOUGH"!!
Until two weeks ago...I experienced the absolute worst week of my life, my health was a disaster and my husband was not there for me AT ALL. He just ignored it. After years and years...THAT was my last straw. Its the weirdest thing, but it was what I finally needed to flip that switch in my mind and heart and know its time to move on. Its different for each of us...that pivotal moment will come for you and you'll finally be at a point where you can move forward. Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself...its a horrible process and sometimes it just takes time.
(((HUGS)))

Funny, tommorow it will be one year since I left him. I waffled on what to do for months, I was so alone and trying to raise a new baby, and at nite I would sit on the deck and just pray and try to give it to God and then one day..I knew -- this situation was not healthy for me or my son.. I am healthier now alone, and although we are divorced, he not be raised in stressful environment. I felt so alone when I first left him, but it was peaceful alone not like before. I dont regret it. I am sad the marriage didnt work, but it wasnt meant to be, sometimes they arent..

I wish I could offer some good advice. I was in love with my ex up until a couple months ago ... and I've been divorced for over 9 months. I was not happy in my marriage, she treated me horribly, took advantage of me and my giving nature, and then ripped my heart out when I needed someone to lean on. I wish I would have had the eyes to see how dysfunctional my marriage had become. I likely would have filed for divorce a long time ago if I had been able to have the right perspective and seen things for how they really were. Instead, I continued to love her (regardless of how she treated me) and was stunned when she filed divorce papers on me.

Good luck.

When she showed up at a pig roast with her bf and they necked and groped like 15 yr olds, right in front of me and "our" friends. I had to realize the marriage was OVER

I think I'm getting very close to the "NOBODY'S worth this BS" moment Tup is talking about. I'm getting angrier by the day, as well as regaining control I notice. It's amazing me how incredibly blind I have been, and what power he has had over me. I can smell the freedom and like that smell. Not long from now I suspect I will want that freedom more than I want him back.

I stuck around mt stbx for years because I did not want this to happen to my 8 year old. As it turns out the child is doing better than we are and now I realize what a mistake it was to stick it out. My mother did this for 30 years and I was right in her tracks? Do your best for your son but also what is best for you.

Even my therapist, who gave us marriage counseling, thinks I'm 'stuck on stupid', so to speak. The same things keep happening over and over, our marriage has always been unstable, but it is only when I am furious that I think about filing. (Then I don't have the money.) I think it takes as long as it takes, period.

My therapist suggested several books to read that helped me to realize that my ex was emotionally abusing me and that I didn't have to just take it because I loved her. I have since been able to let go of the dysfunctional connections I had to my ex and I have been able to get to indifference. It is refreshing.

I am in the exact situation. I know exactly how you feel - I feel stupid & pathetic that I can't seem to find...whatever it is that I need to find...to take this final step.

I just started a womens divorce group that meets every other week for 12 weeks (brings me through the holidays - whoopee!). There was one woman in the group who was 'stuck' for over 2 yrs. It happens. I know that I need counseling to figure out why I am stuck. Sometimes I don't even like to post here on the Breakup & Divorce Community because I feel like such a fraud - not moving forward with my divorce.

I keep waiting for 'something' to happen that will force the issue. That something, I know, will need to come from me. So anyway - I understand and you are not alone.