How can it be that bad? I am ready to forsake my house and my children to never set foot in it again. Everywhere I turn is a scorching scathing reminder of what was. It tears and burns at my heart and my soul. She constantly asks me to come spend the night with the children so she can have a night off. She is disappointed because I only spend less than 20 hours with them a week. But I am supposed to be strong in front of her. and I feel like I want to die. When I leave, I beg for the mercy of death. I fear that on this path I will not survive. I need to find a new self, and grow, and learn to heal and be stronger. Does that mean that I leave everything I care about and love behind? That is not what I'm supposed to do. I am asked to be a platonic friend and nothing more. I have crossed the threshold of the dark midnight of my soul. I am in utter darkness.
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