I have been married a little over ten years and together with him for over 13 yrs. We met when I was a senior in highschool. He is still the same person I met 13yrs ago. Then I knew that there were qualities or issues about him that I did not like but I thought I could change and/or except them in time. I realized recently that I can not exept it no more. Major Issue, One: I knew that he was not someone who was easy to excite sexually and I truly thought it was my fault. All these years, I wrote a jounrnal and I wrote about myself as if I was not worthy of him. Everything was because I did not deserve him, I do not love him enough, I am too heavy now (when he met me I was 89 pounds, now I am 125), maybe it's because he watched me give birth to my son. However, deep down I knew that this was a problem that needed to be handled by a doctor, but he would never go. Well, recently I came to him in tears and said I am not happy. When he asked why I told him this "Put yourself in my shoes for just a minute, we have been together for a long time and I, your WIFE, do not know what turns you on, all I know is that I don't. How should I feel? At this point his response was very honest and it was said in a very calm tone, I sure it was not meant to be hurtful; I quote..."Kellie there is nothing you can do to 'turn me on' nothing ever has, nothing does..." I believe that sex causes him to become erected, not a person or a specific thing. Am I reading into this too much? He just confirmed everything and he is not going to do anything about I neither except it or I do not and I can not feel this was anymore, I think I caused too much damage to myself all these with the self blame. At this point, I am getting flash backs of all the things I did to erouse him and feeling like I degrated him and myself, if that makes sense. Issue two will addressed later. WHAT DO YOU THINK? PLEASE HELP ME!
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