I've been going through so many ups and downs this year with my guy, thinking it was over and then trying again, but no matter what I do or how much hope I have, I feel like something is missing. It's not this hollywood romance notion of being passionately in love, it's not thinking a relationship isn't going to have problems to work through- it's that undefinable quality that's there when you look at your spouse and think, God, I love that guy, and want to jump his bones. You know? Is that unrealistic? It sounds silly, but we're told that you settle into this comfortableness with a spouse, or that it isn't always going to be wonderful, or whatever- and I know all that crap- I've been married for 19 years! It's just that something is gone, even when we have a good day, even when I feel good, even when we, well, you know. We've been having problems for a few years, we almost separated last year and decided to try, it's been pretty hopeless for a long time and then all of a sudden I started feeling good about things- and I realized some things about myself, and he's trying really hard- so I thought we were getting somewhere good- but it's still missing, the love I thought was supposed to be there. And so am I crazy for thinking that something's not right because I can't find that chemistry or spark or passion for him? And it's not going to change with time, trying crazy positions in the sack, or having a heart to heart, flowers and dinner, or anything like that- because we tried all that. And try not to be too pessimistic, people!
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