I've avoided the forum. I understand we all have issues, and are different places and different thoughts, but I find myself on occasion, drawn into the dark and maudlin here of late.

i have grown a lot with the help of this site and been moved by how hard many have had it--even though i thought my life had been plenty hard to deal with.

that said, i don't like when my stbx tells me what i should be doing and i also don't like coming here and being told what is ok to say and where it is ok to post. just my two cents, though.

i sort of think it is just the time of year. it is a great time that is also sort of sucky when you are going through a break up.

I am not saying not to post certain things, that's what I am trying to defend, but some are trying to police what everyone is posting. Vent, tell a joke, whatever. I just miss the days where a good thread was a conversation between the whole community. I miss the days when people hit the reply button, that's all.

I am fairly new here myself , I don't know what it used to be like, I have found this a very help and giving site and I feel safe and supported here.

I understand what you mean. It seems as if people have to walk on egg shells around here, and that's a shame...:(

Im still new here...at first I thought that this silte was helpful and it really did help to sort out my own issues in marriage, but lately it seems a lot more peeps w baggage and issues and attack on others which truly upsets me. First of we really DONT know each other so to be attacking each other seems pretty ridiculous to me. If someone has a question that you dont like...its simple ignore it...dont hit the reply button, etc. Yes some ppl do cheat or at the least fall out oflove bc of one reason or another, but who are WE to vent attack or accuse? I prefer not to get involved in those battles. I try to remain upbeat and poslitive when I reply to certain posts. Who am I to judge what is going on in lyour life. I have enough going on in mine that I would never think to judge whats going on in lyour life. Im glad you started this post bc since last night Ive been thinking about quitting DS altogether. Some of "old" friends have already left and Im still debatilng what to do:(

LSU, I've never believed that there were cliches here. I believe there are some of us in different stages of separation and divorce. I agree that things got pretty sensitive around here and that has had an effect.

Some ppl who we'd normally look to are scarce around here. And there are a lot of new faces here with new and fresh pain. A lot of us have seen this pain over and over again; it's like walking backwards on the freeway because traffic keeps coming and coming. I use to be here all day everyday; now as much as I'd like to help I end up feeling helpless for a different reason. Seriously, what do you want us to do?

As people go through the stages of their divorce or separation they will change and so will this site! The discussions will change, as well as the faces! I think we should be careful of whats posted here! We should always keep in mind that some people are going through some rough times and are fragile and very untrusting! It has changed but you can't expect things to remain the same.

sorry. i wasn't referring to this post. i was just expressing some unease that i have had recently and in that way totally agree with you. peace.

I do feel that way most of the time. Many here are looking for help and those that are doing well try to help, but have made it cliquey.

So I try not to post on those unless it makes me smile and feel good.

Also some post start out good but then tey go south when someone goes of the subject and quick.

But that is just me!

Yeppers. I remember when I first came here. I had lots and lots of helpful replies when I started a thread. Now, I am lucky to get one or two. It kinda threw me back a few days ago.

I know exactly what you mean. I've been around for over a year and I think it's just a fact of life that friends are made in groups according to the timing.

I felt bad last night that I saw some posts that were so raw and I just couldn't bring myself to respond to. It get's so overwhelming. I try to support as much as possible, but I think a lot of us who are farther ahead in the process should really try to share out experience and knowledge as much as possible.

I understand where you are coming form LSuU, and I think there are a lot of contributing factors. I would agree with the idea that it seems the forum has changed. Now, I am a geek, and am no stranger to forums - and all of them go up, go down, and eventually come back up again. There are always a lot of the same faces. This forum will naturally have a lot different turn around than most.

People come here, I believe, looking for help.They are looking for someone who understands where they are at. We all get sick of the empathetic replies we get from people who say that understand where we are at, or they are sure they've been through something similar, or whatever crap they feel like spewing. Here we have all been able to find like minded individuals who are in the same place that we are.

That being said, I have only been coming here for a little over two months. I certainly haven't been as active in the forums as of late. I would agree that there seems to be a lot more downer posts lately - but I would say it's just the ebb and flow of the process.

All of us are in different places in the process. I for one, am flying through my divorce - we separated in July, decided to divorce in September. I filed October 1, and my divorce will finalize next Tuesday. It has been fairly easy. Some people have been going at this for a year, are going through custody battles - and still don't feel like they are getting anywhere - and the simple fact of the matter is that we will all identify with the people whose situations are most like our own.

I think that is where the 'cliquishness' comes in. I may identify well with one person - while you will identify with another. Again, it's just human nature to be with those we identify with. There's nothing good or bad about it. It just is.

I know what you mean Emmie. Its' okay, everyone is still here, I just think we are all lingering, kind of ghosting a bit. I think everyone has kind of taken their issues into their cliques with their closest friends from here as well.. I dont know. All I know is, there hasnt been a problem Ive had yet that you havent comforted me about, and made okay. And for that as well, I Love You..

I think part of it is just natural turnover.

You come here looking for answers, empathy and sympathy. You find some answers, you find some connections that help burn the time between the intial hurt and the healing process. And then you wake up one day and realize how great this place is.

But this community is for breakups and divorce. In some ways, it's hard to fit with people once you've started healing because you keep having to dig everything back up. And sometimes you end up reliving things you wish you could leave alone.

So partly, it's healing. And partly it's wanting to not undo the healing that has happened.

I know I have made some amazing friends in my time on here. And while I will always think of HG as my voice, this account represents who I -was-, but not necessarily who I am.

So yeah, I'm still around, as are others who used to post more regularly. So the current state of negativity doesn't have anything to be contrasted with.

In time, people will start seeing the light, they'll start finding the hope they have been looking for. And they'll try and pass it on and be rejected by people who only want to see the situation they are in and nothing else.

So they'll take their hope and go somewhere else where it can be appreciated instead of ignored or trashed in bitterness.

...I'd throw in here something about once a DSer, always a DSer, but I'm not big on sap.