Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

11,864 Members
100,048 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

What do you want OW/M to know?

deleted_user
deleted_user
Friends, in a little over a month we will be facing a new year. I personally am itching to shed as much of this year, my issues and problems as I possibly can. Over a month ago I began a letter to the woman who slept with my husband and had his baby. She's been apart of my marriage since the beinging and I'm done with him and her. It seems I'm expected to ride off into the sunset with my head hanging down and a tear stained face, without being heard. I'm holding on to the letter until I'm sure I've said everything that's on my heart. So far, my purpose is to let her know that I am a real person and the damage she has caused is real. I've said how I didn't respect her as a woman, blah, blah.

What I need to know from you guys is; what would you want the OW/OM to know? I don't want to bash her but I want her to feel like sh^*. I've tried to come off as the woman who still has her dignity, while at the same time letting her know that the last thing she wants to do is cross my path in her lifetime.

What else, guys?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think I would have to point out that what happened to me could very easily happen to you. So when you start to get lied to and secrets are kept just wonder who she is hanging out with now.
deleted_user
deleted_user
She already took your husband, throw the letter away. People like her will just twist what you say anyway. Since she has no guilt, how could a letter help?
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
I kind of agree with zoot, but am torn as I would like to really meet up with my ex's married guy. Only because of the picture she painted of me to him and some others. Just to show them it aint all it seems to be, watch out and good luck.

If anything, you might just want to make sure she knows whatever could have been said about you has to be taken with a spoon of sugar as there is always two sides to every story and most likely, what he was teling her about you, wasnt the truth.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Jac, In a way I have to say I envy you on some level. Really I do. If my ex had destroyed me with one woman, I think I'd be pretty thankful! Mine had decided to take his "lovin" to every gay man he could!

Now t hat I have that out of the way...people repeat behaviors...he'll do it again, lucky her!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Writing the letter is pointless. You will never be able to hurt her the way she has hurt you. You will also let her know how much she has damaged your life. She will get a lot of satisfaction out of that and you none since you more than likely won't see her reaction. I believe that one day she will get what she deserves. Don't lower yourself to her level. Your better than that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That't just the thing guys, she didn't take my husband. They are not together and she is not the reason our marriage is ending. She is the reason we cannot go back. I was tired of the idea of him and her and I gave him the freedom to be with her.. It wasn't an affair, they just slept together. Had she "taken" my husband the letter would be from a totally different pov.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would just remind "him" that he now lives with - every other week - the four most important lives on this earth. If he verbally, mentally or physically abuses them the criminal justice system will be the least of his worries!
deleted_user
deleted_user
My point will not be blast her. Because a child is involved EVERYONE has had their say except the one person hurt the most by this. Yes, my first reaction is to walk up on her and shake her tailfeather but I'm not 20 years old anymore. I refuse to represent myself with anything less than class. what you don't seem to understand is that she's always been in our marriage..sometimes it would just be the thought of her. In divorcing him I am also divoring her. It's not a crying letter it's simply me taking back my power. It's important to me to send this.
solongbye
solongbye
I would love to tell her how she has completely changed my children's lives. She is a selfish whore, she cheated with my husband while she was married and she involved her own child in her affair. She had my husband to her house while her son was there. They were seen together by my son's friend, who told my son before I was even aware of their affair. Her own son is a screwed up mess. I have tried to protect my children from the other women as best as I can. My x cheated on her and he is no longer with her. I'd love to say...you stupid inconsiderate, immoral thing, you believed that you were soul mates and you helped to destroy my family and he turned around and betrayed you time and time again. You reap what you sow.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Of course my last post would be what I would say/do in my situation. I think it would also apply to everyones who have children in the middle of all of this. The children must and should always come first!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with Zoot, she will take what you write and twist it; I know that is the situation in my case. She is a relative of my SIL and I would like to confront her regarding how she destroyed my family and her own since SIL will have nothing to do with them and his family that celebrates "their happiness."

i want her to realize how horribly selfish she has been, putting herself before my two grandchildren who will likely never see their other three grandparents.
deleted_user
deleted_user
After I write it..I'm done. I don't care what she thinks or how she takes it. the fact of the matter is that a child was concieved during my marriage that was not mine. She doesn't get off that easy.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hmmmm...I want to thank her. The immature, moody, alcoholic, drug addict, liar, thief, grouchy, selfish man is now HER problem and I may have gone back to him if she hadn't been in the picture despite the drugs and the alcohol....especially since he asked that I take him back a couple weeks after I found out about her. I told him to forget it...so she gets him WITH my blessing....just don't try to send him back! Nonreturnable and nonrefundable!
deleted_user
deleted_user
The other women is a victim herself and has the stain of adultery and the mark of the whore of babylon on her sole. Would you expect the bastard love child to prosper when she was conceived under the auspices of a whore? Peril always comes to those who have defiled married people, and thus you can rest and not waster another moment of your energy on petty adolescent jealousy, revenger, or avarice. Let it go, let it go. See what happens when you wish them well. You will be free and they will suffer their rightful Karmic woes. Try it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
just wait until your husband cheats on her and then you could call her up and laugh and ask her how it feels - except you won't care ;-) Been there except my husband cheated with his married secretary - who dumped him and went back to her husband. It was his new wife I wanted to tell off when she gave me a lot of grief, but I just knew how pathetic her life would get married to him - like it is now - and i just don't care!
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: kisses2016
    7992
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
  • Rizen

    Walk a Day

    Posted by: Rizen
    Last Reply: Secouya
    2579
    I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...