For seven almost eight years I've been with my husband. He walked out on me on Sunday stating he's friends says I'm using him. Well I went to school full time worked full time and still try to be that wife for him. Our relationship was full of hatred, My husband used all types of racial slurs towards me and against me. I still try to lovehim because I felt that will he make it without me? I surrounded my nights and my days around him but everytime I turned around he was talking bad about me to his family and friends who is also racist. Everything was about his friends and family I thought no matter what we will get pass this. Of course he would love me and tell me if anything ever happened to me he would die. He is forever telling me how much he loved me. My husband is 45 and I'm 32. Don't know why he made me complete. I forgave him for the affair(s) I believe more than one I wiped he's backside when he was sick, I mean I never even kissed another man not yet slept with one. He is always stating that I had all of these affairs on him and he's friends says to leave your "n" ass. Well I could write for days I just didn't realize how emotionally he destroyed me I fing myself questioning my ability do do anything. I felt that my husband was my best friend and all this time I was his worst enemy and don't know why. I wanted to protect him so he wouldnt be hurt by me or anyone. Everyone in the community adores him and says he's a good man and they can tell how much he loves me how respectfull he is. I find myself crying on end thinking about him, I'm to embarrased to discuss this with my family and friends. I find myself wondering if I will make it? I didn't realize that he had this much control over my mind and sill do. He states I'll never make it without him, will I? I have several degree's and questioning all of them if I could use them the sad part he ask me for a divorce left me with multiple bills and told me on Yesturday don't ever call him,speak to him, and that I was a nasty "N" bitch. The really sad part is I love him so much and I'm missing him and it is taking every bit of faith and energy that I have to make it through another day I'm still wondering if he's o.k. and yes I'm wondering what to do now? I've climbed in this lonely shell what do I do now?
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