Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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what do I do about visitations?

deleted_user
deleted_user
My STBX is saying that n order to pay me the child support I have been awarded he needs to get another job. Problem is that he wants to find another job to work on his days off from his current job. Biggest problem is that those 2 days are the days that he takes the kids. What do I do? What am I supposed to say? He makes just enough to pay me, rent and bills, but I guess he just wants a plumper saftey cushion. I understand it's christmas and all, but my kids look forward to seeing him as does he.
Anyone have any suggestions or been in a similar position?
Would love to hear from you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
is it possible that he is trying to make you feel guilty so he doesn't have to pay you? I finally told my ex to do what he needed to do, and if that meant get a 2nd job, get it, and if that meant he wouldn't see his kids, he wouldn't see them. I told him whatever he chooses to do in his life was going to be on his conscious, not mine. He eventually quit bitching to me about all that bad things I was doing to him about child support, and started growing up about the whole situation.
deleted_user
deleted_user
my stbx was awarded a hefty amount of child support and maintenance. my income, as it should, should be used to take care of my family - my children. i understand that, and as a result, i have been tweaking and adjusting my life as accordingly. don't feel bad about the guilt he is venting your way - he needs to adapt to the new financial situation and he needs to do what he can to be there for your wonderful children. when one leaves, as i have, one should take it as a commitment that the children shall be taken care of, logistically and emotionally. worse than divorce is the loss of a parent because of what they may perceive as a lack of priority. besides, if he gets another job, his income goes up and he could pay more - technically.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mary and Rig gave great responses...I would just add that this is his problem, not yours. Don't allow him to leave it with you! Say, "I'm sorry to hear that" and leave it there. Say, "I know you'll find a way just as I have".

The amount of support was awarded for a reason. Is it possible he hasn't adjusted his lifestyle to fit his circumstances?
deleted_user
deleted_user
My Stbx works fridays and saturdays too, so he gets the girls after church on Sunday and keeps them until he sends them off to school on Tuesday. When they come to my home. I accomodated his time off, but now he's working mondays too, I told him he needs to be home after school or the girls will come to my house until he gets home, although my 13 year old is old enough to be home alone, I don't like both of them alone together, to much trouble to get into.

Remember to put kids first, make him deal with his part of the problem but help as this relates to your kids
deleted_user
deleted_user
if he wants to work on the days he has the kids, fine, he'll just have to find a sitter for the kids then. You can then petition with the courts to give him potentially less time and paying moer if that's the case. why do people put money and things for themselves over the children? Something I'll never, ever understand.
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