Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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deleted_user 12/09/2007

I haven't been for years. I was married to a pot smoking, introvert (not one friend) loner. At family functions, he would hole up in a room where others were not. He said "he should never have gotten married nor had kids (yeah, shock)..His time at home was party poker, being stoned, no interest in anything yet I HUNG ON!!!! Since my son dies, I have been in a lot of therapy (that was used against me by him) "Pam, my God, you have been in therapy for years." But, I never talked about anything but how unhappy I was, why couldn't he give, why, why, why?? I was (am) married to a unemotional, uncaring, empty shell of a person, but I kept trying, I did it all!
Now, what makes us so addicted to these people that hurt us, dumped us, tell us they are not in love? I doubt he could ever truly love, too into himself. Why are we hurting so bad over someone who GAVE UP ON US?
I was not happy, I am not happy and I need to find me again. I am somewhere under this robe and I am a good person who does not deserve such an empty relationship. I will still lose it, cry, hurt but the tears seem WASTED on NOTHING, nothing was there!

deleted_user 12/09/2007

I think that, sure, people can obsess and idealize their ex. But also remember, when someone leaves it doesn't mean both people want to leave. I want to work things out with my husband because I love him, but I'm also incredibly angry and hurt and aware that he's behaving horribly. But here's the thing: I made a better-or-for-worse promise, and just because he's treating it like nothing, doesn't mean I have to. I think it's tempting to get mad at yourself for wanting to try and recover together, but remember: that's what we signed up for! It would be great if when someone treats us so shabbily, we could just go "Oh well, jerkface, see you later" but we shouldn't be ashamed that we were committed, that we took our promises seriously, that we were willing to work it out. We should be proud that we knew ourselves and trusted ourselves to make those commitments, and just because someone else treats it like trash doesn't mean we have to sink to that level in revenge or to get a quick good feeling.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

You are right. You are a good person and you need to find yourself again.

I was married to a "good-time Charlie" who was an extrovert, but smoking dope and drinking was a big part of his enjoyment in life. I thought he would mature over the year, but maturing was making him miserable, so he opted out.

If this breakup hadn't occurred, you and I are the kids of people who would have stuck it out and found happiness in the relationship. But fate has a different plan for us. The adventure of life is not over for us. Better times are coming.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

Well Bert, you're right. We would keep trying...for what? I am seeing the real him, I'll miss sex, but that's all we seemed to have.

GeocacherNY 12/09/2007

Every time we had issues we worked it out; the 2/06 one she didn't want to work out, she said "we drifted" and I tried to say otherwise.. 2,3 days... and then realized SHE WAS RIGHT, so I Left, and it wasn't Wrong.

I think she's the one who made a mistake, and I see this as an opportunity to "leave home" and "grow up" on my own.

She was with her parents 24 years, with me 24 years, so now she can do what she wants for the next 24 LOL.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

NO, I really wasn't happy with him. I tried to convince myself that I was, because I didn't want it all to have been a "mistake".

It still hurt like hell when he had an affair and then decided to end our marriage. But I think a lot of that was the feeling of rejection.

I just didn't have the courage to be the one to leave.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

Shortly after my breakup, I was telling my father about how much it hurt. Just to say "it hurts" made the tears roll, but when i told him "I still care so much for him," my Dad said something that's stuck with me. He said, "of course you do...you care about everyone."

His response stuck with me because it's true -- I spent 9 years with this man. I had three children with him, I kissed him every morning before we left for work, I slept every night with the sound of his breathing next to me.

I care even for the stranger that slips on the ice walking into the grocery store. I care enough to run over to her and help her out. Why wouldn't I care for him? The difference is that the stranger wouldn't pull me down with her and then laugh at me for falling.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

You must have been happy with the way he was to marry him.

Some put too much weight on Happiness. No one walks around in bliss all the time. Happiness like all other feelings is an occational thing. Being content with reality is the trick.

Too many Ophat, and Dr. Fill shows out there. People looking for unrealistic emotional state at expence of never finding happiness again I think.

Just my twisted opinion here. Everyone has to find themselves to be truely happy.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

I can't speak for everyone, but I would say that I was happy with the way I THOUGHT he was when we got married.

I don't blame him for that, I definitely let things move too fast in our relationship. I just didn't know him well enough until after we were married.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

you have had a lot happen in your life. i thought i was happy, now i look back and realize he gave nothing to me or our relationship. it was always about him. so, i'm in the process of finding the wonderful me that was missing for so long. i'm looking forward to it and so should you, we will allways have some sadness in our lives, it's how we choose to deal with it. i wish you so much happiness and peace.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

i really WAS happy and truly enjoyed spending time w/ my husband...until I found out he'd rather spend time talking to another woman online than be with me...was all downhill from there.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

I was for a little while.
But I was never secure, because of his irresponsibility.
And over time i just couldn't be happy while i watched our world crumble around us.
I have to live in reality.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

We did have a short time, a couple of years ago, where Yes-things were good. I thought that I finally HAD that Love that I wanted so badly.

We were a "couple"...hard to allow myself to admit that time, or think about it...so short...so gone.

I am a happy person, within myself. I just wanted to be happy WITH Him. It was never meant to be.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

I wasn't happy - I desperately wanted to be. It was very confusing because to the "outside world" he was perfect, successful, attractive, the NICEST guy, but, with me he was very critical...I always thought it must be me. I am starting understand more about how a controller and abuser operate.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

As we all know logically for me in my situation, I also knew it was bad for a long while. Before it was over. I tried many different counselors But it takes 2 people to want to work at something. I am lonely at times because I am living alone for the first time in many years. But I too was so lonely in my marriage. I can remember years ago crying at New Years feeling so lonely.

deleted_user 12/09/2007

Ya know I was married for 17 years and with him for 19 years and there is so many lies and deceit now that I can never be sure any of it was real.

He mistreated me from the beginning but I never saw it. It was so normal to grow up in an emotionally void home to marry a man who treated me badly was the norm to me.

I hope he moves on and find whatever he is looking for, cause he treate me like garbage....

ya know.. God doesnt make junk.

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