I just caught myself trying to figure out how to get my animals into good homes because at this moment they're what's making me hang on. And when I realized what I was thinking, that I was trying to see how I could walk out of my own life, I decided to stop and come here instead. The loss of husband is VERY painful, but it's the terror that I won't find a job that will allow me to keep my little condo (THAT I NEVER WOULD HAVE BOUGHT ON MY OWN - THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR US) and then have to move ... and who wants to rent to someone w/4 indoor cats? So if that happens, how do I choose which ones to keep? How do I find good homes for the others -- they're my babies. Corny, but true. I feel like my whole life is just slipping away from me and I am so hopeless and scared. I'm so angry at my Husb for leaving when I was on disability. For not giving a damn that I might lose our home. I never EVER would have done this to him. When he was unemployed, I never left. The last 7 years, he's had MANY issues and emotional meltdowns, I never left. I feel so disposable and I just don't know if I have the courage to watch the rest of my life (the home, the kitties) be taken away, too.
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