Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Visit with ex-in laws kids

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have been divorced for nearly a year now. I have been engaged to a man for about 9 months and I want to know what you think. My two little neices have been apart of my life for the 10 years that me a ex were married. My fiancee does not think it is right for me to be able to go and see them cause he thinks that I am opening those doors again. And I am not I just want to see my girls.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Is your ex going to be around and if not then what is the problem?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am good friends with all my ex's relatives. I check to make sure they don't have plans with him and then I go and visit. I don't have any problems with it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know I do't either, but my fiancee does what do I do?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Obviously, the problem is not on your end. If you had a problem with it, then you be the one with reservations about going.

I would gently confront him and ask him if he is uncomfortable with you going. If he sincerely says he is okay with it, then reassure him that you are not openening any closed doors.

If he admits that he has insecurities about you going, then if you are dead set on going you will have to reassure him again that its not going to affect your relationship.

A tough chioce on your end may be to decide not to go if it turns out that he has his own reasons for wanting you to cut ties....slipery slope that one, because it may be an indication of future attempts at dominance and control.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Since you are visiting when your ex is not there I do not see why he would have a problem with this. You need to sit your fiancee down and talk about why he is concerned. It does not seem like you are doing anything unreasonable and him asking you to cut off communication with children that have been in your life for this long seems odd.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Okay, so you got engaged only 3 months after your divorce after 10 years of marriage.

On the one hand, it may be easy to look on the surface and see your soon to be STBX as an insecure control freak who's looking to put you in his own little box, but on the other hand I have to wonder myself if you've completely let go of your old relationship.

I say the two of you see the counselor before the nuptials.
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