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Very Short Marriage

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am in the middle of separating from my wife and eventually divorce. We were only married 8 weeks and then told me she was miserable and that this marriage was a mistake. Has anyone had such an experience? I keep thinking that I was such a bed person but in reality I was not. She is in an intensive grad program and we did not have time together. I was very supportive and we did bicker a bit but nothing out of the ordinary. We were happy and then she got distant and dropped this bomb on me. All I can say is that she may have not been married for the responsibilities of marriage and all she cares is about herself and being independent. I feel like an idiot. I moved to a new city for her and now am stuck here. She did not want to try to get any help, and simply gave up on us. She even hd the nerve to say that she has nothing left to give. It was only 8 weeks!!! She decided this all on her own. Now we just ignore each other and do not talk at all. She has ruined all my dreams! I loved her, still do...but I am so angry and feel betrayed.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Get the marriage annuled and move on she's not the one for you. A mistake is a mistake and only a lesson to learn if you chose too
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Take one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

I was married 15 years, I have no experience with a bomb such as this. I am so sorry.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well, if she would have buried that unhappiness for 10 or 20 years you would both be worse off. In your heartbreak there is that silver lining. I am sorry and happy for you.
CanadianRose
CanadianRose
I'm sincerely sorry this has happened to you.

As much as I am one to suggest counselling.. this one sounds like it is doomed.. sorry.

Just.. so fast a courtship it sounds..not knowing each other well enough.. moving to a new city, etc.. perhaps it is a good time to cut your loss and leave. End it.

Something to think about.. not that we are all jaded here.. just yes, some of us stuck it out in a non-loving relationship for years, 5, 10, 15... 20plus years even...and nothing changes. The love did not grow, we stayed for the sake of staying and wanting to make 'it' work.
If 'it' does not have a good solid foundation to start with... not a good sign. She wants it to end. You should face that straight on.

Good luck with all of this, and I am sorry that you are hurting.
deleted_user
deleted_user
wow. that must be really hard. she is very selfish. i know my first year of graduate school totally sucked--do you think there is any chance that she is just overwhelmed? 8 weeks is such a short time, but i guess if we had done that it may have been for the best. i really feel for you, though. hang in there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, I certainly feel for you. I am in a similar situation - only a year and this is the second time he has filed for divorce - both times after he was violent with me. I also moved two states away to marry him - we dated for 4 years and I built my future around him. I am bitter, hurt, angry and depressed, BUT I know one day I will be so grateful this did not last longer and that I never have to see him again. There is better out there for you - us - even if it's going solo - still better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It was not a short courtship. We were together for 5 years or so. She moved for a year to Cali and we still made it work. She comes from a very dysfunctional family and mine is very stable. I feel that her baggage came back to haunt her. I guess I will never figure it out exactly.
CanadianRose
CanadianRose
ohhhh sorry.. you said no time together.. wow.... 5 years is a long time.

wow.. now that is wow.. is she open to counselling?.. getting to the root of things?..

you know what?.. I stuck in their after 10 years.. and I should of left then.. and proceeded with the divorce.. but I was determinded to make it work, stick it out.. I was not going to walk away from 10 years...and.. well in the end.. stuck it out for 26.5 years.. most of it really bad.. but I was going to make it work.. had 3 kids.. and well.. there was no solid foundation in place from the start.

go to counselling.. see if there is a foundation... it may be stress doing this to her right now.. go find out.
deleted_user
deleted_user
In a way consider yourself lucky.At least you found this out early in the marriage before bringing kids into the mix. Believe me that makes divorce even harder on everyone.Good luck to you.
Shannen
deleted_user
deleted_user
During her two week time of thinking I asked her for us to go to counseling and other groups. She refused to and said she had nothing left to give. I am the only one that wanted to make this work. I am so betrayed that I am just going along with this divorce to move on with my life. I deserve better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I use to feel horrible that my marriage was short. 3yrs in he was full involved with OW. But then I read about people with years invested and I think wow. If it had to end, glad it ended sooner rather than having so much invested. So maybe that thought will help --painful either way, I assure you. But it was the only thought that comforted me thru my world of pain. Best of luck to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
ps. I lived with mine for 2yrs before marriage so don't know what changed other than I wasn't single anymore and still available to other men. He likes a challenge.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry you are going through this. I love my husband too, but now we just ignore each other and do not talk at all, too. I think your wife may not have been prepared or ready for marriage. Perhaps, she realizes that a bit too late. Or perhaps, she sees you as an exceptional husband and sees herself as not willing to keep her promises, and perhaps her dysfunctional family background is affecting her.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, I would say you are lucky you found out very early in the marriage.

Lick your wounds, cry, howl and move on. She is not the one for you.

There is someone out there for you but try not to rush into another relationship. Take out some alone time to reflect.

How did you meet your wife?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I met my stbex during college. She sort of fell right into my lap when I was not even looking for someone. It is hard because I keep thnking that she is off doing well hanging out with friends and ready to move on while I am here as a total wreck of a man. She seems to not even be affected by this. I do not have any friends in this new city so this site has been a good help to vent.
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