It's been hard trying to find someone to talk to - or someones. I feel like there is so much pent up and I don't want to share the misery with just one person. Too much negative download and fear of judgement on why I let things get so bad before leaving or why I left at this moment, etc. It's hard, and I don't know where to start.
Some days I feel a little guilty. We knew he had some psychiatric issues, but it's not like I could go to the doctor for him. He only took it seriously once I said I was done and we were getting a divorce. According to him and his support groups I'm being unfair by not giving him another chance. I don't think he's being truthful about everything he has said/done/not done.
Some days I feel like a victim. He would say some of the most hurtful things, silent treatment, do/say things he knew would make me mad just to get me mad. I'm worried that I'm going to bring those forward into my future, but now I have two young boys to keep safe. I'm sometimes afraid of him and what he might do, but am glad he moved 900+ miles away.
Some days I'm really angry. I forgot to change my facebook password and didn't realize that it was one he knew. He logged into it over 50 times and was reading my personal facebook messages to my friends.
Other days, I feel like I've got this. The boys are asleep on time, get to school/daycare and things really are better. I don't have to feel anxiety about what I'm coming home to or worry about what he's going to say or do. I've known the break up was happening all year and I was mentally preparing myself for the break. I'm free - and so are the boys.
It's just that everything is still in flux - the divorce is not final and the custody hasn't even been finalized. I feel like I'm on hold and in a holding pattern until I can get those things done. Problem is, it's going to take longer because of what I'm demanding. I'm requesting he take a psychological evaluation to determine if he should even be around the kids. He's been hospitalized twice in the last couple of months due to suicidal thoughts - of course I'm worried that the kids won't be safe around him. His lawyer is dragging out some things - I feel like they want me to cave on that request. I'm ok with visitiation...if a psychiatric professional says he's safe.
hello I posted under heavy heart so much consuming me just need to hear from someone else my few friends are tired of listening feeling hopeless
I have recently left my home of 21 years, a man who I love and still love. Though this man has caused me so much pain, verbal abuse, cheating, everything you can imagine even physical I still love him. Even though I know in my heart he didn’t love me after 21 years and just 3 months of separation he has changed his physical appearance. He has destroyed my soul and I grieve all day long....