After a childless marriage(hysterectomy) of 10 yrs I was single for 3 yrs. I met a what I thought was the Love at first sight partner who wound up telling me I was going to be a father for the first time at the age of 40 after being together a little over a month. I was floored But I was on one of lifes great journeys. I Loved her Mom as a matter of fact I do believe more than any other.well 2 days after I was told I about my future fatherhood I was asked to leave but then asked to come back w/ in 24 hrs. That was the first time. Now almost 5 yrs later I was asked to leave the house sold. It has been 1.5 months so far I had a plan to heal myself, I found myself becoming a security blanket she is 47 going thru menapause after having a baby just a few years back. Push me away....Pull me back type thing I was making what I considered to be making quite a bit of progress untill last night I was informed she has been involved w/ the drummer of her band( who actually sucked as a drummer) who she told me was actually gay for over a year. My Dad is quite sick and might not have alot left.I was informed that I was not that stable presently thus being the reason for not being told the truth.I don't have words to describe exactly how I feel at this moment in time. I have done alot of things in life some good some not so good. I can honestly say Fatherhood has been by far without a doubt the best and most natural of all. I am lost and quite shocked on how self centered I have become. I have been praying for strength but it feels like I'm getting weaker. My Big Heart has actually turned out to be a weakness. All I ever wanted to do was the right thing for everyone involved which is looking like the without a doubt the wrong thing.
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