I left after 16 years of emotional abuse. We've been seperated two months. The first couple weeks I was so RELIEVED that I had made the move and I thought I would start my life over and find peace. Now as more time passes, I keep second guessing my decision. I am soooooo homesick. My STBX just keeps telling people I "flipped" this summer. He finally admitted to being cruel, but justifies his actions saying that I always made him swear and yell at me. He says people are only human and can only be pushed so far. Now I feel as though I am responsible for the fights. I have so much guilt over tearing up my kids lives. I am fighting the urge to go back and beg him to love me, and believe me I have done that many times during arguements, especially everytime he told me if I didn't like it get the F--- out. I hate him and I still am focusing on all the memories of the good times. I feel like I am dying........
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??