You choose to.

Not because it's easy, not because you feel pressured to.

You do it because it just happens, it just flows. You want to open up to someone and you just do.

I'm also having a major problem with this. But I also wonder how unfair it is to the future people in our lives, to compare them to the standard of my stbx? Abandonment is a very difficult thing to overcome, the feeling of not being important enough or not wanted. I hope we can get past this~~~~~~~

I concur 100% with Borden. Let me stress, it is not easy, but your partner HAS to KNOW, and understand where you are at emotional, accept it and be willing to help you through it. Trust is not something that is automatically given to anyone, and once you have been cut deep, It takes ALOT of work, and it is a LONG process to build. I wish you Luck.

The fact of the matter is you should NEVER compare. Though everyone does, you should make a conscience effort not too. As I stated before ImHealing,your partner has to know, just where you are emotionally, or it will never work.

Keep in mind. If you find someone who makes you happy, and it is a healthy relationship, it doesnt really matter if it works out or not. It is still healthy and healing. Or at least that is what my therapist told me LoL.

In the same boat as you. Husband left Sept 13. The betral is huge. His lies and deception are even larger. How am I going to ever trust a man with a cell phone again. I'll be a basket case.

Therapy my friend and prayer. I hope it works.

I am in the same place...cannot even imagine being open to a relationship. My divorce was final Nov.14 and have been apart since July. My confindence and trust is shot and I don't want to bring someone new into my kid's life. The two that are still home are 8 and 3. I just feel like we have a long road of recovery ahead of us as a family and as an indivdual.

I don't think that it is something that we need to worry about right now...especially only 3 months out. I personally need my time to heal and find out who I am again. Anyone that took me on right now would be taking on too much baggage. And for right now it feels good to make my own decisions and enjoy the freedom that comes with not being apart of a couple.

kellyhi....I'm with you. I'm so afraid I'll never be able to trust again and I'll end up alone. I WANT to be able to trust someone when the time is right, just don't know HOW i'll be able to....especially someone who is computer saavy.

Not everyone who goes into a bar is an alchoholic.
Not everyone who owns a deck of cards has a gambling addiction.
Not everyone who has sex is a sexual addict.

It would be hard (hopefully) to find someone in this day and age who isn't computer savvy. But if you're honest with them and they're honest and open with you upfront about expectations, the trust will just happen naturally.

I say, give everyone a chance. It might be "safer" to be a misenthrope, but it doesn't pay off in the long run.

ABorden---Yes, I realize what you are saying...however I DID trust my husband and I WAS 100% open and honest with him and I thought he was with me too. However, he ended up finding another woman online. I'm not saying EVERY guy is him, I'm saying how do i know they AREN'T like him.

I understand completely- there is that initial feeling of betrayal at first even though it was the other person that ended the relationship- you have to take it slow and develop friendships first and let them bloom before diving into another relationship, I would think. My marriage ended 2 years ago and I haven't gotten to that point yet but that is my gameplan.

I wish there were cut and dry answers for what you're looking for, but unfortunately, there aren't.

Part of it is looking for red flags and being honest with yourself when you see them instead of ignoring them or hoping they'll go away. I know that would have saved me a lot of heartache in the past.

Part of it is where you meet people. I wish I could say churches are a great place, but even places of worship are being inundated with people who aren't honest with themselves about what they stand for and what drive them at their core.

Relationships are always going to be a gamble, no matter how you look at it.

The question is, what do you bring to the relationship, what do you have to offer? And what does the other person bring to the relationship? Hopefully, those goals and expectations match up. And time is a great indicator of those things.

indeed relationships ARE a gamble---I guess you could say I'm (right now at least) afraid to gamble for fear of losing again. I hope someday someone comes along who is worth taking the risk for.