Hi everyone, nice to virtually meet you all.
I'm on a 9 month waitlist for a therapist, so hoping I can find some advice and support from fellow members (and offer some in return)!
Here's my story (it's a long one - I'm sorry!). About 5 years ago, my partner and I broke up after 11 years of being together. We had to sell our house, he took my dogs (the place I was moving into wouldn't allow them and his did) and I fell into the deepest, darkest depression I have ever been in. He was also my best friend, so he helped me get through it and was there for me every single day. Unfortunately, this made me love him even more that when I started to get better, and he started to pull away, it hurt so much again. When the pandemic hit, we both needed someone to be around so we weren't in total isolation, and so we became each other's pandemic buddies. Hung out all the time, made dinners together, watched movies - it felt like it did when we were together, minus any intimacy.
I thought we were moving toward a good place and told him how I felt, but he didn't return the feelings and left it at that. We still hung out all the time, but I was internally torturing myself thinking he would change his mind. I ended up moving out of state in an effort to force myself to move on but it still hasn't helped. He came and visited a couple times and I got to show him around, and we were planning on another visit in July, when he suddenly decreased communication. I called him out on it and he admitted he had starting dating someone he really liked and hoped we could remain friends, but wanted to focus on this new relationship. I was/still am so incredibly crushed.
What have you done to get yourself to "let go"? I didn't just lose someone I loved, I lost a best friend, I lost family (his parents and sister who I had grown to adore and no longer were accessible to me). Again, it's been 5 years since the breakup, but every day, I feel like it just happened. I've seen therapists, read books, listened to podcasts, and just can't seem to move forward.
I am from the month of December. I am not a holiday.What am I?
I almost made it through without writing. But tomorrow is my dogs' surgery. I have had a very anxious filled day. And it's so weird with animals because they don't know what's coming. He's just playing with his toys. They really are so innocent. I woke up this morning with the worst anxiety I've had in awhile. Tomorrow should be even worse. Thanks for listening.